Walk Upon Water
by virellya
Summary: A Sequel to 'You Are The Cure'. Rick and Michonne's relationship is put to the test as new information about Rick's past arises and he leaves for Tour of Duty with a mysterious new partner. How much trust can you put into someone? Richonne AU.
1. Chapter 1

**Hey there!**

 **Wow, I can't believe I actually managed to come up with a sequel for this story. It did take me a while, and I'm sorry you had to wait so long.**

 **It was quite a lot of work, but I think it was worth it in the end. There's definitely a lot to come!**

 **I quickly want to thank everyone who has sent me some wonderful reviews and messages when I was writing 'You Are The Cure'. They have been my motivation to keep writing.**

 **Without further ado: Here's the first chapter of 'Walk Upon Water'. I hope you enjoy!**

 **.**

* * *

 _Lead me where my trust is without boarders,_

 _let me walk upon the waters wherever you would call me._

 _Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander,_

 _And my faith will be made stronger._

* * *

The Italian villa was old. With creaky floors and clanky pipes, chips and cracks in the tile floors and dust on everything. It had history. It had character. I loved it. The terracotta-colored walls were textured with stucco and the furniture was old and minimal. The only thing it really had going for it was its unexpected ability to hold warmth from the fireplace. But we weren't in Tuscany to spend time in the villa, we were there to drink wine and eat and gaze at the Tuscan sunset after long days of walking through Florence.

In the last 6 months I'd spent with Rick travelling I'd watched the stone walls of his heart slowly crumble and he softened from an apathetic deadly weapon into a deeply-feeling individual who would do anything for anyone. There were moments where I just couldn't believe how lucky I was. Thanks to him I found myself being the happiest I had ever been in my life. It felt so natural being with him.

After polishing off my pasta, I was battling Rick for the last bite of chocolate hazelnut cheesecake when his phone started vibrating on the table. Hershel's name displayed on the screen and we both stopped.

"If we don't get a voicemail, we're fine. He's probably just checking in." Rick said, eyeing his phone suspiciously until it stopped ringing. I took the opportunity to snap the last bite and smirk at him. Rick grinned at me for a few seconds before his eyes changed and gifted me with one of those heart-melting looks. He brushed his fingers over my lips and leaned in when his phone began ringing again. His forehead fell against mine and he let out an annoyed sigh.

"You better get it." I said amused. He couldn't help but grin and roll his eyes jokingly before he snatched up his phone.

"I'm kinda busy right now, Hershel."

"Nice to hear from you too, Rick. You sound uncommonly grouchy for someone who's been rolling around the mediterranean in a sea of wine and pasta with his girlfriend." He chuckled.

"Well, I'm at dinner with said girlfriend and you're forcing me to be rude." He said winking at me.

Hershel wasn't exactly thrilled the day we walked into his office hand-in-hand and said we were leaving the country. But I could tell he loved Rick like a son and was happy for him. Thanks to him Rick had managed to stay unbothered by the military for most of our trip.

"I need you to relocate your dinner to Atlanta."

"Fat chance, we've got three more days before we head home."

"If you don't come home now we'll have to postpone the wedding." Rick and I shot confused looks at each other and said in unison,

"What wedding?"

* * *

It felt weird to be back in my apartment. I had been gone for a while, and even before we left for our little adventure I had spent most days with Rick at his place. Everything still looked the same, that's why it seemed like I didn't really fit into the picture anymore. Half a year ago I had been living in here like a ghost, afraid of the world outside. Memories of myself sitting curled up beside the window with a book and gazing onto the busy streets flooded my mind and I had to let out a small laugh at that. I was more than ready to create new memories.

I put my bag down, pulled out my phone and checked the time. I had about three hours to get ready for the wedding. Excitement rushed through me.

Apparently the dramatic events between myself, Rick and Negan offered Glenn and Maggie a powerful moment of extreme clarity. Glenn told us upon our arrival back in Atlanta that he realized life is short and committing your life to serve your country didn't mean you weren't allowed to pursue your own happiness. Life can't be spent worrying about rules or how to please everyone else. It's the only thing that makes life with all it's hardships worth living. So after years and years of sneaking around, laughing off rumors, and lying to avoid any obvious conflicts of interest that could affect them professionally, Glenn and Maggie damned the consequences and decided to get married. And Hershel, who had been promoted after Negan and his accomplices in the army got exposed, was quick to support them in that decision.

"I'm the goddamn Brigadier General." He said with a proud grin. „I'd like to see someone try to come between you two. They'd be signing their own discharge papers if they pissed me off now." We had to admit, it was fun to watch the subordinates dance around him more nervously than usual. The only person who was never intimidated by him was Rick.

In fact, the only person who could intimidate Rick would probably have to be my grandmother, who was also invited to the wedding tonight. After getting yelled at by her at the hospital I understood his nervousness when I told him she was coming as well, but I still found it amusing. I knew my grandmother could be quite a hand full, but I was sure she was going to come to love Rick sooner or later. For as long as I can remember it had always been just me and her. She was incredibly overprotective and it was hard for her to learn that I had finally found people who loved and cared for me just like she did. That I wasn't alone anymore. And that meant that she wasn't either. Our little family had expanded.

That thought made me stop in my tracks. I stared at the folded clothes I had just unpacked and disposed on my bed for a couple of seconds before shifting my gaze down – towards my belly. A couple of days ago I realized that I was late. Suddenly I felt nervous again. I took the rest of my clothes out of my bag and searched for the pregnancy test I had bought earlier today. It was absurd. Even holding it in my hand felt strange. There's no way.

A couple of dreadful seconds passed.

It would explain an awful lot. My never-ending hunger. My sleepless nights. Also the vomiting. Usually my disorder would keep me from getting sick or missing my period… fuck.

I ripped open the packaging and raced to the bathroom.

* * *

It was the longest three minutes of my life. Three minutes of pure torture as I sat, nervously bouncing my knee up and down and waited. I tried to focus on breathing – inhale, exhale, inhale again, and silently told myself to take this one step at a time. There was a chance I could be worrying for nothing. The timer on my phone chimed, signaling what I prayed would be the end of my suffering. There was a large possibility that reading the results would only be the beginning of my anguish. I gulped, held my breath, and looked at the stick in my hand.

Oh dammit. Oh dammit.

This was bad. Very very bad. Rick was gonna…

My stomach made a distressed gurgle and I sank myself from the couch to the floor and pouted miserably. I'd missed a pill awhile back, and as precaution told Rick to wear a condom the next time we had sex. But a few nights later we went out for drinks and stumbled home hammered and horny and without coherent thought, so in the nightstand drawer the raincoats remained. I was kicking myself for being so hungover that it took me until the following evening to get the morning after pill.

I didn't know if I wanted children. I thought kids were amazing, I enjoyed their bright happy smiles and hilarious lack of verbal filters, but my life was complicated and crazy and not something I was sure I wanted to bring a child into. Sure, there was a part of me that kind of liked entertaining the idea of motherhood, but to properly raise a human for this world is by far one of the hardest things anyone could do, and I didn't know if I was ready for that.

And then there was the bigger reason for the grueling dread I felt in my core. I was going to give Rick something to really freak the fuck out about, because Rick absolutely, positively, one million percent did not want kids. Ever. We'd had a few long conversations about it after the parade of mutual friends and their prodding questions began pouring in. Rick didn't trust himself. His life was dangerous and scary, and for most of it he didn't believe he'd ever be normal. There were several times when he thought he wouldn't live to see the next day. Wether it be by the enemy's hand or by his very own. Children hardly ever crossed his mind until he was sent to protect the Blake family and wound up adoring 4-year old Judith as though she was a daughter of his own. Her death solidified his decision to never reproduce because he'd considered himself ill-equipped to protect a child from his life, and the shakiness of his mental state was not the best thing to knowingly bring a baby into. The reasoning alone made it easy enough for me to get on board with not having children, because he and I were still a family. We would still lead full and happy lives because we were together and loved each other with all our hearts.

I pulled myself to my feet and decided that I had to tell Rick as soon as possible. I told myself that no matter what, he would be understanding. We were gonna do this together.

.

* * *

The wedding was a small, intimate affair attended by only immediate family and closest of friends. Rick and I hadn't seen each other yet, since Maggie had chosen me to be her bridesmaid and Glenn had handed Rick the responsibility of best man. The minute I saw him standing next to Glenn at the altar my heart immediately started racing again. His eyes locked with mine and he smiled at me. I forced myself to smile back at him and averted my attention back to Maggie, who started walking down the aisle. How the hell was I going to do this? My anxiety was screaming at me to tell him as soon as possible to get it over with, but I didn't want to ruin the wedding for him. I decided to just wait for the right moment. Throughout the ceremony I would catch myself looking over to Rick every once in a while, only to see that he had been staring at me as well. I could see the love in his eyes and all my worry disappeared for a brief beautiful moment while we were both standing there in front of the altar.

While the ceremony was modest and occupied by a small number of exclusives, the after party that evening was an over-the top affair with easily 300 people in attendance. I helped Maggie change into a more comfortable dress before joining the other guests outside. I began looking for Rick and found him standing by the bar with Abraham and Daryl. His blue eyes zeroed in on me and I found myself breathless and rooted where I stood. He walked up to me and handed me a glass of champagne.

"Hey you."

"Hi." I breathed out, snaking my arms around him and smiling welcomingly at Abraham and Daryl, who had walked up to me as well.

"So.. Glenn and Maggie.." Abraham started. „Who would have known?"

Rick and I looked at each other knowingly before grinning.

"Are you two kidding? You mean you knew?"

"Oh I knew this day was coming because I've been harassing them about it since we were 19. I caught them big time in a broom closet." Rick replied and we all started laughing.

"And you managed to keep it from Greene? Man, Maggie probably owed you big time. You guys are like siblings, right?"

"Yea, I guess you could say that." He laughed.

Rick clasped my hand as we took our seats at the head table next to the empty Bride and Groom seats and waited for Maggie and Glenn to arrive together. After a while Hershel had joined us as at the table, as well as Sasha, Ezekiel and Rosita. While everyone was engrossed in conversation, I looked around and spotted some more of our friends. Carol, Tara and Paul Rovia were here as well. It was enchanting to see them all dressed up, since I usually only ever saw them dressed in their uniforms.

I was pulled out of my thoughts when Ricks hand found it's way to the small of my back. I turned around and looked at him.

"Are you alright?" he asked.

Shit. I had almost forgotten that I was currently keeping a pretty big secret from him that would probably cause him to lose his mind. I gulped.

"Um.. yea, I'm fine."

He grew quiet and stared at me suspiciously for a couple of seconds. Then he leaned in to whisper in my ear.

"You look gorgeous. Can't wait to rip that dress off."

All the muscles in my lower stomach clenched. He planted a soft kiss just below my ear, then swiftly stood to join the rowdy applause as everyone cheered to Glenn and Maggie's arrival. I gathered my wits to stand and applaud with everyone else. I stole another glance at Rick and was met with his usual shit-eating grin. I couldn't help but let out a chuckle and roll my eyes at him. He looked amazing like always, just a little cleaner than usual. Beard neatly trimmed, with combed hair and that incredible designer suit in black on black that he wore to the charity function a while back.

The boisterous cheering softened to a dull roar and the band played on as Glenn and Maggie made the rounds, saying quick hellos to each table of friends and colleagues before finally making their way to their seats beside us at the head table. Glenn was dashing as ever in a classic black and white tux and Maggie simply stunned the room. The sight of her in floor length white silk was breathtaking. Rick and I hugged them both, unable to suppress our huge grins, and Maggie pulled back from Rick's embrace and cheerfully asked,

"So, how's everything working out?" Clearly she meant between Rick and I. He slid his gaze to me, then Glenn and Hershel. I realized then just how close of a family they were. Rick was really special to all of them. He smiled and looked back at Maggie.

"It's good. Really good. Amazing actually." Maggie's gaze fell back on me.

"Look at you two." She chimed and I started laughing. „I don't know what you've done to him, but whatever it is, keep doing it." She joked and hugged me as well. Then she walked to join Glenn and we all took our seats again. As the band started up to drown out the applause the waiters appeared with the first courses, I felt warm fingers lace themselves with mine under the table.

* * *

The party was carrying long into the night, and began to wind down somewhere around 3am. Most of the guests had said their goodbyes earlier, leaving our usual group of close-knits and their dates all sitting together in the hotel lounge sipping brandy, smoking cigars and eating the wedding cake. Shoes were gone, ties were loosened. Some sat on the floor and some were on the tufted couches. I sat with Maggie, Rosita, Tara and Sasha, who were swapping light-hearted gossip back and forth, sneaking occasional glances at the men sitting across from us with their open collars, evening scruff and half empty bottles of scotch. Luckily no one had noticed that I haven't been drinking the whole evening. After a while Glenn walked over to us and took Maggie by the hand.

"Calm down, Glenn." Rosita teased in her usual playful way as she linked arms with Maggie.

"We're still having girl time over here, you'll have to wait a little longer before she's all yours." She winked, followed by the men's laughter. Rick grinned and leaned back in his chair.

The conversation among friends and good natured teasing continued for a while, only faltering when a very tired looking man in a grey suit – no doubt the hotel's manager – walked somewhat nervously over to our group to inquire when we'd be retiring for the evening. It was 4am, and well past my bedtime.

After everyone left Rick and I stayed behind to help Glenn, Maggie and Hershel clean up a bit. We gathered up my shoes and Ricks suit jacket, then walked outside the door and waited for our cab to arrive. He had noticed my shivering and pulled his jacket over my shoulders before wrapping his strong arms around me to keep me warm. I buried my face in the crook of his neck and we stood there for a couple of minutes alone. I felt anxiety creep up its way into my chest once again. Should I tell him now?

"…Rick." I started quietly.

He pulled away a bit.

"Yeah?" I looked up and was met with his blue eyes boring into me. I had to look away and take a deep breath.

"What is it?" He laughed nervously while lightly placing his hand on my cheek to make me look at him again.

"I'm-..." The words got caught in my throat.

Suddenly, distant chattering caught our attention. The hotel manager was joined by another man in another grey suit, this time carrying a slip of folded white paper and presented it to Hershel.

"A fax came to the hotel for you, Sir. From Internal Affairs. They asked me to tell you it's urgent." He said.

Hershel paused for a moment, staring at the folded paper.

"A fax? They could have just emailed me."

"They asked me to tell you that they tried but you apparently aren't looking at your phone, Sir." Hershel's expression soured and he took the paper while muttering,

"It's not like my daughter is getting married today or anything." He unfolded it and scanned the first lines, then froze. He promptly folded the paper up and slit it into his tux's inner breast pocket.

"What is it?" Maggie asked, walking over to him. He smiled down at her.

"It can wait till tomorrow. Just something I need to look into. I don't want to talk about it until we do some fact checking."

Rick and I had walked in already.

"Is something wrong?" Rick asked. Hershel turned around and paused before letting out a sigh. He pulled the paper from his jacket to glance at it's contents again before handing it to Rick.

"We might have found your brother."

.

* * *

 **That was chapter 1! Let me know what you think so far.**

 **Chapter 2 will be up very very soon.**

 **Thank you for reading! x**


	2. Chapter 2

**I'm back again with chapter 2!**

 **Thank you all for your lovely messages, I'm glad to see that so many of you are still on board with this fic!**

 **Really hope you enjoy this next chapter, there's a lot to come for Rick and Michonne x**

* * *

 _Help me, it's like the walls are caving in_  
 _Sometimes I feel like giving up_  
 _But I just can't_  
 _It isn't in my blood_

* * *

He was frustrated. I could feel his subtle anger simmering under his collected exterior as we sat on the couch in Rick's apartment with Hershel in a state of tense anxiety. Rick was always quiet when he had a lot on his mind, but he had barely uttered a word since Hershel had told us yesterday that they found new information about his past and where he came from. The thought that he still didn't even know about my pregnancy made my heart feel even heavier.

Hershel had been working closely with Investigations and Internal Affairs to uncover whatever they could about the young man claiming to be the brother of Rick Grimes. Since bringing Rick to Atlanta as a child, Hershel worked constantly to try and find any clues about his life before he was taken. But with any files containing his information physical or digital missing, there was no way for him to know where to start. And because of what had been done to him and what his mental state was, they doubted sending him home would be safe if they ever found one. He was a danger to himself and to others. It didn't stop Hershel from searching, using what little information he had to go on to try and find anyone – family or friend – that knew Rick. It wasn't until learning of Negan's orchestration that we knew why all searches came up empty.

"He poisoned the mainframe." Hershel told us.

"Someone working for him created an encryption software that would block us from doing any searches that could result in Negan incriminating himself, and that includes getting information about you, Rick. The digital files we pulled from the lab where we found you were all part of a heavily fire-walled network, and took months for the military to crack into. A civilian PC would never do it. It wasn't until we brought in Internal Affairs to start rooting around in my boss's office, that we came across this."

He produced a cream paper folder nearly an inch thick with papers and handed it over to Rick. We sat next to each other and when Rick opened the folder I bit back a gasp. There was a stack of papers of all different colors, shapes and sizes, each of them offering a different glimpse into the life of Rick Grimes. Negan had been keeping tabs on Rick constantly, watching his experiment grow from terrified and lost little boy into a deadly predator of a man, saving each piece of paperwork submitted from his various completed missions over the years, counting his kills along with his saves, even holding copies of his medical charts. There were polaroids of him at the gun range firing various hand guns and semi-automatics along with assault rifles and they were clipped to the folded up paper targets he'd been firing at. Rifling further through the stack showed pictures of a younger Rick, the number 21 written on the back of another photo - this one a 4x6 of him in a head-to-toe desert fatigues with dirt smudges across his smirking face and carrying an AK-47 in one hand with the other arm hooked around the neck of a cigarette-smoking Daryl Dixon in matching fatigues. They were the picture of friendly camaraderie.

"This was Afghanistan." He murmured. „My second tour, and Daryl's third. I remember having this taken. The guy who took it never made it home."

My stomach turned.

We flipped through more of Rick's handwritten paperwork, medical charts from earlier years and photos of him sparring with soldiers at the gym at 20, graduating from the military academy with top honors at 18, laying in the hospital after being injured. It was unbelievable. Negan had stolen items to document every milestone in the growth and develop of Rick, fully intending to never help him find out who he is. Ready to watch him suffer as no one else had ever suffered. But the numerous photos also offered us a reminder that while Rick's childhood was a blank slate, he had lived an extraordinary life for a man of not even 30. As we neared the back of the folder, the face in the photos became younger, the writing on the paperwork became comically sloppier, and we came to rest on a white envelope. Pulling out the contents, we were staring at a Social Security Card and a Birth Certificate.

„I've never had a social security number before." He said quietly, looking at the small blue paper and running his fingers over the numbers. "Or an actual birthdate."

April 15th, 1989

"The doctors were close." He said looking up at Hershel. „We never really knew when I was born, but the docs thought I might've been born around this time. How did Negan get these?"

"I'm guessing they're government copies. Anyone can put in requests for new copies of these kind of documents. With power like his, I'm sure getting these was all too easy." Hershel said.

I watched Rick stare at the folder for a while.

"…There's a lot that we still don't know." Hershel started. "The IT department is still working on breaking the encrypted software that's been plaguing our system for years. However, we did find someone who may know you. The fax I got from the Internal Affairs at the wedding said they'd come across a young man named Aaron who might be able to shed some light."

Rick didn't say anything.

"..So, what now?" I inquired.

"I've already spoken to this Aaron character. I wanted to size him up first before mentioning it to you, I didn't think it would be worth putting you through all this if I didn't believe he could give us some answers."

"What did he say?" I asked. Hershel shrugged.

"He begged me to tell him if his brother was alive, and where he could find him. I wasn't willing to share any information on our end, it's too risky. For all we know, this could be an enemy trying to pull a fast one. But he sounded fairly normal, just sad and desperate. He's a doctor in New York-„

"I don't wanna see him." Rick interrupted and set the folder aside before standing up. He glanced at me, seemingly lost for what to do. Hershel tried to reason with him,

"Rick, we can do a DNA test. I've asked officials to obtain a blood sample and ship it here. I'm not comfortable having them compare their test results to ours digitally, I'd rather have our people run his blood against yours here to see if there's a match."

"Even if he is my brother, I don't want to know anything about him. This is all happening really fast." I chose that moment to walk over to him and take his hand.

"Rick, you've spent so many years trying to find answers. Why would you-"

"This is the first time in my life that I'm truly happy." He gulped. "Everything's perfect the way it is. I.. don't want to risk it. I don't want to find anything that could ruin this for me. For years I searched, but always felt in my gut that I would never find anything. I finally began to accept it. And then I met you…"

I found myself at a loss for words. I traced his strong jawline for him to look at me. He was on the verge of a breakdown. Hershel slowly got up from his chair and handed Rick another photo, this one slightly mangled from years of handling. Rick turned it over and I gasped, turning away. It was a child, sitting upright in a hospital bed slumped over and staring blankly into nothingness. Dried patches and smears of brownish red smattered his skin and hospital gown, the blood caked in his hairline and over his ears, coating his hands and fingers. The photographer stood behind a glass window looking in, and the child seemed unaware that he was being watched. Like he didn't know what was happening, or where he was. His stringy, blood-streaked hair was brown. His dull and unseeing eyes where blue. My throat tightened horribly and I looked at Rick.

His hardened gaze poured over the photograph and he said nothing.

"This was the day you arrived here from Washington. You had just woken up, we had to sedate when we tried to move you from the building. You lashed out at everyone except me, no one else could get close to you."

"I remember." He finally said. "I knew you were there. Why did you take this?"

Hershel paused to collect himself before answering.

"I knew it would be a tough road ahead. I was determined to see you live as close to a normal life as possible, and I refused to accept that I couldn't save even one child from that horrible place. I had one shot to get it right. I knew there would be more bad days than good, and I knew there would be times when you'd be ready to throw it all away. I needed this to serve as a reminder of how far you'd come; I wanted the tangible proof that you'd gotten better. Just in case anyone ever tried to argue otherwise, and for the moments when I needed inspiration for my next pep talk. Every time I've ever talked you off the ledge, it was with this photo in my back pocket."

That was the second time I'd heard someone mention Rick wanting to end his life. It sliced fear in me, and it seemed like he knew what I was thinking because he took my hand in his and ran a warm thumb over my knuckles.

"I'm seeing clearly for the first time. I'm more self-aware than ever, and I've never actually felt excited about the future before. I want to leave the past behind me, Hershel."

There was a long pause before Hershel started nodding.

"Alright.. Let me know if you change your mind.." He walked over to the couch again and took the folder.

Rick's eyes closed and I watched a tear stream down his cheek. I launched at him flinging my arms around him to hold him to me.

"We have each other. No matter what happens. That's all we need." I said. I felt him nod and his arms tightened their hold on me as he whispered back,

"No matter what."

"There's one more thing.." Hershel started again.

* * *

 **Next chapter is already done and should be posted either tomorrow or maybe even in a couple of hours, depending on how much time I'll have.**

 **I'll start replying to some reviews in the next chapter, so let me know what you think! x**


	3. Chapter 3

I'm back with chapter 3!

I'm really excited to share this one with you. I got some reviews I quickly wanna reply to.

 **guest: Yayyyy welcome back ! You have no idea how happy I am right now ! You are the cure is one of the best Richonne fics I've ever read and I'm sure this will be one of the best too ! I hope we don't have to wait long for the next update i love how we didn't have to wait long with the last story.**

\- Thank you soo much! I'll try my best to update frequently. I have most chapters done already, so it shouldn't be too long of a wait for you :)

 **Chellepo1977 : I'm so excited about this sequel and this was a great start! Leaving Italy is only acceptable for Maggie and Glenn's wedding lol And I am so tense about how Rick is going to take Michonne's News. Looking forward to the next chapter! Beautiful writing!**

\- Thank you! I'm really excited about the fact that you enjoy my story, since I'm a huge fan of your fics as well!

 **Richonne4Life: YES! You're back! And Richonne is pregnant! And Gleggie is married! And they found Rick's brother! Bring on the suspense and the drama and the baby Richonne feels and Michonne's grandmother! I'm gonna need Rick not to freak the fuck out when Michonne tells him about the baby. Michonne is already kind of freaking the fuck out, and we can't have them both losing their minds! lol. But now I'm worried about when she's actually going to tell him. Their little bliss bubble just got popped with news about Rick's brother. (Seems like that would be great news, but that has me on edge). If she's waiting for a good time to tell him, that just might not come any time soon. Can't wait for the next chapter!**

\- hahah yeah there's a lot I have planned, so it's good that you're up for suspense and drama! I'm so happy you came back for the sequel, I loved your reviews for you are the cure!

 **courtgirl26: Poor Rick:( I'm so glad that he has Michonne and now the baby even though he doesn't know about it yet. There's just not going to be a good time to do it. Now may be the best time. Don't want him to find out another way or from someone else. Thank goodness for Hershel as well. He saved Rick's life and gave him a good life. That Negan was one evil man. Who would do something like that to another human being? I'm already looking for the next chapter:0**

\- Yeah, Rick's been through a lot in this story and developed a lot of issues, but he's lucky to have had Hershel to help him deal with them. We'll see how he'll react to the baby soon. Thank you for your review, I love hearing your thoughts! x

Thank you to everyone else who left reviews for the last two chapters! It really means a lot. Without further ado, here's chapter 3!

* * *

 _Could I feel your skin on mine_  
 _Before I have to say goodbye_  
 _Could I breathe, please, one last time_  
 _You in my lungs before I curl up_  
 _And die_  
 _All my world is losin' light_

* * *

An order had come from above for Rick to go to an undisclosed location for an undisclosed mission. I was hoping Rick would be able to give me whatever not-so-sensitive information he could before leaving on assignment simply to calm my nerves as much as possible, but he wasn't allowed to tell me almost anything. And they didn't give us a lot time to talk about it, since he literally had to leave in a day.

Usually Rick would travel with members of Hershel's team. Most of the times it would be Daryl or Glenn, or on rare occasion Abraham. But Rick spent a solid hour pushing back against the order of this new partner.

"No women." I heard him say over the phone a couple of hours after Hershel had left. "It's not a sexist thing, women are extremely capable. Everyone knows Maggie could kick my ass any time. I'm saying that if I have to work in close, intimate proximity with a partner for three months, I'd prefer it be a guy."

There was that phrase again. 'Close, intimate proximity.' The only information I could squeeze out of Rick was that the mission was roughly 90 days, during which time he'd be joined at the hip with whomever he was working with. The army obviously worked to keep the lowest of profiles, so they weren't putting their soldiers up in 5 star hotels. It was usually more like squeezing into cramped spaces together while staking out the enemy, sharing meals if food became scarce, and sleeping in shifts. If they were lucky enough to be in situations that allowed for hotels, it wouldn't be one room per soldier. Low profile meant sharing a room and sharing one bed, to remain inconspicuous.

I had to admit it did bug me a little bit. But more importantly the fact that I still hadn't told him about my pregnancy was eating at me. With all of what had been going on it was hard to find the right time or even a moment to be alone with him. Rick was asked to come to base so he could meet his partner and they could discuss the details of his mission.

When I sauntered through the military base's ground floor and passed Hershel's office I noticed he was exiting with Rick and a woman I'd never seen before. I knew it had to be Rick's partner. She had long, blonde hair and wore the green uniform that most soldiers did. I had to admit she was kind of pretty. The three of them were picture perfect professionalism, and Rick and Hershel both wore their usual stoic masks.

Rick spotted me after a while. He dismissed himself and walked over to me.

"Hey." He said. He seemed tense.

"Hey." I smiled at him.

"This whole thing is pissing me off, honestly. I can't believe they couldn't have let me know sooner.." He sighed.

"Is- um.. Is that her? Your partner?"

"Yeah. Jessica Anderson." He answered casually.

I looked back at her for a moment and nodded.

"Are you worried?" He asked, suddenly concerned. I shrugged.

Of course I was worried. He was going to a war zone to do one of the most dangerous jobs on the planet. But somehow I got the feeling he wasn't talking about that kind of being worried.

"A bit." I answered. "It's scary to think about trusting someone we don't even know with your life. But... you're more than capable to take care of yourself... You'll come back to me in one piece, right?" I tried to joke. And he smiled and took my hands in his.

"Of course I will." He said and pressed my knuckles to his lips.

"Grimes! Training starts in 5 minutes!" We heard Abraham call out.

"I'll be right there!" Rick replied, then turned his attention back at me. He just looked at me, still concerned and thinking about his next words.

"...but, other than that you're okay, right?.. You seem a bit.. lost in thought lately.."

I found myself at a loss for words again. I didn't know what to tell him. He was at work. He didn't really have time to talk and I didn't want him to worry about me for the rest of the day.

"I'm fine." Is all I could manage to say. "Um.. What- what time are you off?"

"I'm probably gonna have to stay here till we leave tomorrow morning." He sighed and ran his hand through his hair. I was trying to seem calm and nodded in understanding, but dread crept its way into my chest. I was running out of time-

"Alright, I gotta go. You can come tomorrow before I leave?" He offered while brushing his hand over my cheek and leaned in to give me a kiss. It broke my heart. He pulled away, smiled at me one last time and returned to his colleagues.

* * *

When I went home I could feel myself nearing a panic attack, the first I'd had in a long time. I couldn't help but think back to half a year prior, when Rick and I sat on the floor of my apartment the night Negan's guy assaulted me and I finally broke down, telling Rick all about my heavy heart. That was the night everything changed between us when we argued, kissed, argued some more, fooled around in the living room and then the dam broke and we had sex knowing full well it was a terrible idea and would result in consequences.

Now I needed to feel something else again. Everything that had happened in the last two days had caught up with me. Rick was really leaving for 3 months and even if I told him that I was pregnant after only being together for roughly 6 months, we still wouldn't have remotely enough time to have a real discussion about it. I knew Rick must have noticed that something was off with me. And I could tell it was bugging him. He probably felt like I couldn't be honest with him, when in reality I was only trying to find a way to tell him without causing him too much stress. I would have loved nothing more than to sit down with him on our couch in peace and tell him what had been weighing on my chest. I wanted to tell him how I felt. But I had run out of time and now I was left with the fear of losing him. Things would definitely change between us by the time he could come back from his tour.

But I couldn't let him go without knowing. I just couldn't let that happen.

* * *

"I'll call as soon as I can." He said as we stood on the tarmac together. I hadn't slept all night and spent my waking hours a stressed-out, miserable mess. I nodded solemnly, unable to look him in the eyes.

My eyes fell to his partner as she looked back at us over her shoulder while ascending the steps to the aircraft. Rick handed off a few boxes of equipment to the loadmaster for proper storing on board, and when finished he turned to me with a sigh and his gaze cast downward. He raked a hand through his hair in frustration. This was it.

"Don't worry too much. I'll be back before you know it..." He said. His words didn't do much to lift my spirits, and he didn't sound convinced by them himself.

He gently brushed his lips over mine and I found myself on the verge of crying.

"God, I'm gonna miss you." He said quietly while stroking my cheek.

"Wheels up!" Someone called from the planes doorway.

"I'll miss you, too. Be safe." He nodded and pecked me again swiftly.

"I will." He promised. He pulled away and my fingers clung to him on their own accord.

 _He needs to know. Tell him now!_

"Rick, I'm pregnant." I blurted out.

We just looked at each other. He didn't say anything and for a moment I thought he stopped breathing.

It took him a few seconds to process what I'd just said. But then muscles shifted, his eyes drifted off, away from me, and he stepped backward, out of my grasp and my arms fell limp to my sides. His brows furrowed in confusion. Another step backwards before he turned around and just… walked off.

Tears brimmed in my eyes and it seemed with every step he took toward the plane was not only a step further from me physically, but emotionally. I knew he wouldn't be happy about this. I knew he would need time to come to terms with this. His reaction didn't surprise me. But it still hurt. Sadness swelled in me as he disappeared into the plane and I sniffed as I turned to head back to the hanger and drive home. I concentrated on the rhythmic thumping of my boots on the ground as I told myself to buck up and deal while walking to my car.

"Michonne!"

I stopped and whirled around at the sound of my name, and before I realized what was happening his fingers were in my hair and his mouth was on mine, devouring me hungrily. Oh thank God. Warmth and want uncurled in my belly as I clutched the front of his shirt pulling him closer to deepen the kiss. This was killing me. It was beautiful and satisfying and cutting me to the core. Slice by slice with every smooth pass of his sweet tongue over mine. I never knew you could be so happy while simultaneously dying inside. I could vaguely hear the sound of someone yelling Rick's name. It was that woman. She was calling out to Rick in the distance and we broke off slowly as his eyes roamed me, and raised a finger without taking his gaze off me, signaling for her to wait. Only Rick Grimes could get a multimillion dollar military vessel to operate on his schedule. I wanted to cry all over again. A tear escaped and rolled down my cheek as he held my face in his hands.

"I love you." He said firmly, his serious blue eyes pouring into me and I felt his hand on my stomach.

"No matter what."

I nodded numbly, but couldn't stop my eyes from sliding past him to his partner tapping her foot impatiently in the doorway at the top of the stairs. Rick coaxed my gaze back to his and chuckled.

"Don't even think about it."

A warm thumb stroked across my cheek and I smiled. I crushed myself to him again to savor the feel of his strong, warm body against mine. I felt his fingers curl into my hair as he pulled me even closer to bury his face in my neck.

Then, a final softness swept over my lips, and he was gone.

* * *

That's it for chapter 3! The next update might take me a while, since I'm going on a trip with some friends for 5 days. But I'll update as soon as possible.

In the mean time, let me know what you thought. And thank you so much for reading!


	4. Chapter 4

_If you love me, don't let go_

 _Hold_  
 _Hold on_  
 _Hold on to me_  
 _'Cause I'm a little unsteady_  
 _A little unsteady_

* * *

Afghanistan was a nightmare. I'd been to Baghdad 4 times now, and I could swear it got exponentially worse with each visit. As if being in the middle of a war zone wasn't bad enough, I was stuck in this place for 90 days with only one comrade; a woman I barely knew. Every other time I'd been here I was with Hershel and crew, and while being here was never fun, it was a hell of a lot easier with trusted allies who knew what steps you'd be taking before you took them. Anderson was a stranger. We'd only had a few meetings together, only a few conversations about the mission; I didn't have a chance to really get to know her. I stopped putting effort into getting comfortable with her pretty quickly, because frankly, she made me the polar opposite of comfortable and that wasn't ideal. The ways in which she made me uncomfortable were numerous and ever evolving.

It started back in Atlanta. Meeting her face to face immediately sent up the first red flags. It didn't take long for me to notice the looks she gave me. I tried to ignore it, told myself it didn't mean anything. But the more I tried to ignore it, the more effort she put into making her attraction towards me apparent. She would constantly throw out compliments, trying to boost my ego as well as my appeal for her. She would giggle at everything I said, which at some point became unbearably irritating to me. Her thumb would brush against my knuckles when we shook hands, and hold onto it for too long. She would playfully slap my shoulder, and act like we somehow became close friends over the couple of hours of knowing each other, and tell me to call her 'Jessie'.

I was used to it. Women showing interest in me. Most people in the army knew about my past and were intrigued by it. All they saw was a pretty face with a significant importance to the government. They heard stories about my missions and thought I was some kind of hero. Once they got to know me and learned about the many issues I actually had and the scars that I carried with me they quickly lost interest and realized they couldn't handle it. She obviously had no idea about what was hiding under that 'mysterious surface'. She probably wasn't even looking for anything serious with me, since most women I had been sent on missions with seemed to believe that being alone for a couple of months would easily give them the opportunity to add me to their list of people they could brag about having slept with. It frustrated me. But what pissed me off the most was that she just blatantly ignored the fact that I was with Michonne.

Michonne. Jesus that woman made my heart swell up just thinking about her.

The scene was still playing in my head like a broken record.

 _"Rick, I'm pregnant."_

For a few seconds I thought time had stopped. It didn't register. I was confused.

And then it hit me. It overwhelmed me.

Michonne's pregnant.

The thought of becoming a father. The responsibility. The guilt. The fear. I didn't even know what it was like to have parents. I was never meant to have a family, let alone a child to take care of and keep safe. My life was far too dangerous. I thought of Judith, the little girl that got killed because I wasn't able to save her. I couldn't go through anything like that ever again. It would kill me. Anxiety filled me until I finally felt numb. Without thinking I took a step back, stepping out of the hold of her trembling hands. I couldn't ruin her life just like that. I couldn't let this happen. But of course, it had already happened, and there was nothing I could do. I was so desperate for way out. I couldn't look at her. I knew the look in her eyes would tear me apart and the only thing left for me was to leave. And so I did. I turned around and left her.

I felt the same kind of fear when Hershel told me he found someone who could possibly be my brother. It just wasn't right. I had been alone my entire life. I never talked about it, but deep down I always knew that I didn't deserve it. I desperately tried to give my life a meaning and told myself that finding the truth about the life I had before I was taken should be my goal. But over the years I slowly realized that it had never been about that. I never really expected to find anything. And now that I had, I couldn't face it. The thought of having a family felt too foreign to me. I had been lonely, and I hated it, but I was also used to it. Until Michonne.

I felt the same kind of fear when I realized that I was falling for her. It still terrified me how much she meant to me. Even though I tried to fight it in the beginning, I quickly realized that I was powerless. My love for her consumed me and the fear of being attached to someone paled in comparison. I thought back to the moment that we shared our first kiss. I've never felt so vulnerable in my entire life. I thought it was pathetic of me to hope I could have a future with her, because I was sure the time would come that I had to let her go. It would catch up with me and crush me.

But that time never came. She never let me go, even when I tried to run. She really loved me.

And for the first time I imagined having a baby with her.

I felt a spark strike inside my chest as my foot connected with the platform of the aircraft and I stopped in my tracks.

 _What the fuck was I doing?_

Michonne had come into my life and after everything that had happened since then, she still loved me. And I loved her. God, I loved her _so much._ I wanted this with her, and I felt so guilty for admitting that to myself. But I decided to stop being scared. I decided to stop telling myself I couldn't be happy.

I spun around and ran after her.

"Michonne!"

She didn't even have time to fully turn around before I pulled her towards me. All I could do was kiss her, try to make sure that all of the sadness and worry that I knew I had caused her to feel would leave her again. I wondered how long she had known. I wondered why she didn't tell me sooner, but I quickly realized that the last couple of days had been incredibly stressful for me and she had been trying to find the right moment. She had been carrying this burden for far too long.

"I love you." I said after breaking the kiss. It broke my heart to see that she had been crying. My hand found it's way to her belly, I let out a shaky breath and looked her deep in the eyes.

"No matter what."

Her gaze bore into me for a while, but then her gaze slowly slid past me. It was like she zoned out, and all she saw was the plane that I was leaving her with. That woman that I would be with. I hated myself for planting doubts into her brain. I coaxed her gaze back to me.

"Don't even think about it." I assured her, while my other hand softly stroked across her cheek to dry her tears.

Finally, she nodded softly and hugged me tightly, burying her face into the crook of my neck and I did the same. I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her even closer. Holding her in my arms had suddenly lifted all of that weight off of my shoulders. I felt hopeful. I could do this as long as I had her.

* * *

The bunker we were holed up in was small. Tiny really. As I'd predicted it was one open room with a cramped bathroom adjacent and room for one twin mattress. I sighed in defeat when I looked at it; I had hoped the whole way here that I'd be wrong and by some miracle there would be two single beds. Our bunker was nestled in the center of a small fleet of matching structures, all housed by soldiers from other squadrons in other states and other countries. We weren't familiar with any of them, who they were or what their exact missions were, but for the time being they were our neighbors and comrades because we were all fighting the war of terror. I was specifically sent to eliminate one target, a leader of a terrorist group called the 'whisperers' only known by one name: Alpha. For being a household name in terrorist circles around the globe, not much was known about this guy. No one could trace back any information on him because every confirmed accomplice of his wound up dead. So many rumors flew around about him it was impossible to weed out what was true. Usually my missions were fairly quick; get briefed, fly out, form a plan, eliminate target, get the hell outta dodge. Now I actually had to track this motherfucker down and gather intel about him so I could figure out the best way to take him out. But I had to maintain just as low a profile as he did, because if it got out that I was in town it would be a danger not only to the mission but to the entire base camp in Baghdad.

We knew one thing about Alpha: mass genocide was the party he always threw and his party game of choice was torture. Anyone trying to fight back was captured and killed in the slowest ways possible. Shit like skinning people. He was a sadistic fuck who practically got off on seeing innocent people suffer. We'd been tracking him for years, desperately trying to get the intel we needed to find the bastard, but anyone who knew him didn't stay alive long enough to tell the tale and it's very hard to find someone when nobody knows what they look like.

Until one of his captives escaped. She had made it all the way to the city's open marketplace before she was gunned down by one of Alpha's enforcers. But she had managed to get a cell phone picture – an actual fucking _photograph_ of him – into the hands of a vendor in the market, who was smart enough to give the phone to an American soldier he saw later that day. A few phone calls was all it took to sink my ass back into this mess, only now I knew that we weren't actually looking for a guy but a woman. I couldn't wait to see the look on their faces when I show up to ruin the fun.

* * *

That's it for chapter 4! I'm sorry for the wait, the last couple of days have been a bit stressful..

But I'm back and I really hope you've enjoyed this chapter. I know it's quite short, but the next one should be up really soon! I thought it would be interesting to show you some of Rick's thoughts and what he's going through.

Thank you for reading and let me know what you thought! :-)


	5. Chapter 5

_Thank you guys for leaving reviews for the last chapter!_

 _I always get really excited when people leave their thoughts, and I'm glad you're all still enjoying this so far 3_

 _Here's chapter 5 for u_

* * *

 _Missing you comes in waves._

 _Tonight I am drowning._

 _\- Unknown._

* * *

A few days after Rick's departure I had my first doctor's appointment. Denise was the only one beside Rick that knew I was pregnant. I asked her not to tell anyone from the military, and that I was planning on telling everyone myself soon. I didn't exactly know why, but I didn't want to share it with my friends yet. I knew they would be supportive, and that Hershel and Glenn would be incredibly excited, and that Maggie would probably insist on staying with me for as long as Rick was gone and that she would want to go to the doctor's appointments with me so I wouldn't have to go alone – and that was exactly why I didn't want to tell them. It felt wrong to tell them – to experience this pregnancy with anyone other than Rick. I knew he wouldn't be here for the first months of my pregnancy and that I would have to face most of it alone until he could come back. What made it even harder was the fact that I still didn't know what he thought, he still hadn't called. I didn't even know if he would be fine with me telling our friends. I was desperate to hear from him. I needed to know that he was alright, so I could stop worrying. I needed to hear how he was feeling, now that he knew we were gonna have a baby.

It was still so strange. I didn't know if I had fully realized it yet myself. But when the days kept passing by without hearing from Rick I had to come to terms with the fact that there was no point in waiting and I really started to internalize the fact that I was going to have a baby soon. I was left in this empty apartment all by myself and decided that the best thing to do for me was to focus on my pregnancy. And for a while, it worked. I started reading a bunch of pregnancy books, stocked our fridge with healthy food, and started tracking the growth of my bump (even though it was still pretty much invisible). Before I knew it I was thinking about names for the baby, and whenever I would pass the aisle of baby items I couldn't help but buy one or two things. I was practically drawn to the tiny clothing and all the toys. I found myself feeling incredibly excited to become a mother. I would daydream about the future and picture myself with Rick and our baby being a happy family only to quickly push those images aside. I was missing him like crazy and just the thought of him felt like a stab to the heart. The fact that Rick wasn't here to do all of this with me was always in the back of my mind, but I was desperately trying to distract myself.

The day that I had my first ultra sound and Denise gave me a sonogram was the day that I just couldn't take it anymore. Actually seeing the tiny little thing was too much for me. He or she was really in there and Rick and I had created it together. I gave in to all of the feelings I had been trying to keep in for so long and cried all day, my only comfort being the part of him that was growing inside me and that I was able to keep with me even when he was gone.

* * *

It had been one month, and I still hadn't heard from him. I knew he was checking in with the military to send updates related to the mission. I knew he was okay. Yet Jessica had been making regular contact with military members and friends. They had access to public phones. Rick could call me. He hadn't though.

"Glenn, have you heard from Rick since he left?" I asked nervously as I poked around in my food.

I asked him and Maggie to dinner because I was lonely, and secretly wanted to press Glenn for information about Rick's strange behavior.

"Yeah, he's called a few times." Glenn said. My fingers stopped and I looked up.

"He what?" Glenn and Maggie sent each other a quick glance before focusing back on me.

"I… said he called." Glenn said eyeing me suspiciously. I went slack-jawed and sat back in my chair, shocked. I didn't expect them to actually say yes. They still didn't know I was pregnant, let alone that I had told Rick right before he left. My reaction was probably beyond strange to them.

"Yeah he actually just called the other day. Said Baghdad's hotter than hell." My fork clattered to my plate.

"Baghdad? Like, IRAQ?" He and Maggie both stopped and stared at me, and Maggie finally leaned in.

"Michonne, you didn't know?"

I slumped over in my chair and shook my head. "No… He hasn't called." I said quietly. They furrowed a collective brow. „I haven't heard from him once. Not once."

"Wait, that doesn't make sense," Maggie said. „He said you were fine. I asked if I could have the apartment code to come see you while he was gone and he said you were so busy at the library you were never around."

I was speechless. He lied. Not only was he calling everyone but me, but he was even lying to our friends about not speaking to me. I slid my chair back and quickly started to pull on my jacket and grab my bag when I felt tears welling. I pulled a 50 out of my wallet and dropped it on the table as I brushed a tear away.

"I'm really sorry guys, I think I should go.." I mumbled. Glenn and Maggie's faces were exactly what I didn't want to see. Pity.

"Michonne wait, where are you going?" Glenn said as he stood quickly. I fumbled for my metro card and grabbed my phone as I stood from the table.

I heard both their chairs scrape back as they followed me out the restaurant and onto the street.

"Michonne, wait!" Maggie called, finally catching up to me.

"I'm sorry Maggie, I just really wanna go home…„

"I - I know this seems weird, but this is Rick we're talking about. I'm sure there's nothing to worry about, honey. Let's just go home together and talk, it's cold out?" She offered.

"You really don't need to, I'm fine-."

"I can see that you're not, Michonne. We haven't seen each other since Rick left and you've barely spoken a word since we got here. I know you're lonely, so let us come with you tonight?" Her voice was so soft, I almost started crying again.

I simply nodded.

* * *

We were back in my apartment, not the one I shared with Rick, but my old apartment that the military still payed for. It was so bare inside, I had sold most of my furniture when I moved in with Rick, and kept my mattress on the floor in my old bedroom. The apartment seemed massive being so empty, but walking through it for the first time in months was filling me with memories. Memories of my lonely life, memories of the fear I felt when I was being stalked, the long talks Rick and I had when we were first getting to know each other. The night he kissed me in the shower and the anger I felt when he was gone the next day. I remembered how happy I was those first few weeks after everything settled, and how he surprised me out of the blue one morning when he called me and asked me to move in with him because he 'needed to wake up next to me every day'.We were so far from those happy times, it seemed like. We were so far from each other physically, emotionally, … I tried so hard to remind myself of how many times he'd told me he loved me, but actions speak louder than words and it's so easy to lie.

"Rick's been gone for a month and I haven't heard his voice once since he left." I said, turning to Glenn and Maggie. „Hershel swore to me that he was unable to call, but that was a lie."

"Maybe they're just trying to protect you?" Glenn said.

I had thought about that already. And it made sense. The Rick I knew would never do this to me. I knew he probably had some good reason for not calling me and for telling the others to stay away. I trusted Rick more than anyone else. I would trust him with my life. But deep down I was unsure. Was I being too naive? Did I forget how he just turned around and left when I told him I was pregnant? I still couldn't bring myself to tell Glenn and Maggie about it. I wanted to hold on to the possibility of him simply trying to protect me, because that's what he always did. I didn't wanna tell them only for them to confirm that I had every reason to be worried.

Glenn's phone started ringing from his pocket. He glanced at it, and his eyes widened.

"It's Rick." He said.

"Answer it!" Maggie rushed and Glenn whipped his phone out. Suddenly Rick's voice was filling the room.

"Hey Glenn."

My heart bloomed. I was hearing his voice. It sent warm tingling to my fingertips and right down to my toes and I beamed with joy.

"Hey, how are you?" Glenn said, looking at me a bit nervously and dancing around a bit, unsure of what to do with himself. He decided to pace slowly.

"I'm holding up. Just counting down the days until I'm outta here. How're you guys?"

Glenn, Maggie and I looked around at each other in the darkness of the empty apartment and Glenn answered awkwardly.

"Uh fine, we're fine. Say um, you haven't really mentioned Michonne in a while.." He said while connecting eyes with me and attempting to sound casual. "How is she?"

"Well, that's kind of why I'm calling. I wanna let you know that we're not together anymore."

The room fell silent, and we looked back and forth at each other in stupor.

"Wait, Rick that doesn't make sense, we're talking about Michonne. I mean she's right.. erm- I don't understand."

"We broke up, Glenn. A while ago. So, if anyone asks, we're not together."

He sounded so cold. He sounded nothing like the Rick I loved. I felt the blood draining from my face and the room began to spin.

"Is this why you said she wouldn't be around if we came to visit?"

"Yes. Don't go to my place because she won't be there. Just do me a favor and don't see her at all, okay? She's not a part of my life anymore and I don't want anyone thinking she ever was."

Maggie crossed the room to try to snatch the phone from Glenn, shaking her head as if to say ‚Stop, that's enough' as Glenn side stepped her and adopted the only look of irritation I'd ever seen him have.

"Rick, what happened? I don't get it, I mean, at the wedding you said you were gonna…" He looked back at me with a mixture of pity, confusion and anxiety and sighed. "Rick, I think you need to call Michonne."

"I thought you were smart, Glenn." He sounded frustrated now. "You really need me to spell this out for you? We're not together. If anyone asks, we never were together. We're finished, it's over, it's done and there's really nothing to talk about. I don't even love her."

My heart struck in my throat and humiliation crept over me as Glenn hung up the phone and he and Maggie stared at me in shock. I couldn't think, I couldn't breathe, and dammit I had just about all the pitying looks I could stand for one evening.

* * *

 _I know, I know, I know.._

 _Next chapter will be in Rick's POV again.._

 _But let me know what you think! haha x_


	6. Chapter 6

_omg I feel bad for making you all so anxious with my last update_

 _thank you all for leaving reviews! I decided to post this chapter a bit sooner and hope you'll all feel a bit better after this one!_

* * *

I breathed out a sigh as I sat in the dark of the bunker, reflecting these first few days and thinking about what needed to happen next. I still hadn't been able to contact anyone at home, all we were able to do was send updates in morse code. Jessie went undercover at Alpha's latest gathering, posing as a prostitute and just as we suspected they took the bait the moment she entered the room. I had been watching from the rafters above. Of course, Alpha wasn't present, but her right hand men were there to do all the bidding and get some intel about what they were up to these days. It had been awhile since they'd made any grand spectacle killing sprees, which could only mean they were busy cooking up something.

Seeing Jessie walk in with the other girls – poor women who'd been captured and sold – you could tell she was nervous. When she was forced to remove her black robe I couldn't help but feel bad for her. It was especially unnerving considering what had taken place between her and I the night before back at the bunker.

She pretty much had a nervous breakdown. I guess it was partly the fear of everything that could go wrong in this undercover operation, which I could understand. It was incredibly dangerous. She had to find a way out after we got what we needed, and there wasn't even a guarantee that we would. But risking our lives was something she should have been used to by now. I suspected it also had to do with her having trouble coming terms with me rejecting her since we got here.

Yeah, the look on her face was priceless when I sprawled my blanket out on the floor next to the bed on our first night in the bunker.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"I'll be sleeping on the floor, don't worry." I faked a small laugh and tried to make it seem like I was doing her a favor. But she shook her head and laughed.

"You really don't have to do that, Rick. We're both grown people. I can handle having a man sleep next to me."

The seductive tone in that last sentence annoyed me beyond belief and the nice and friendly facade that I tried to keep up to ensure we wouldn't pump heads during our mission was slowly crumbling.

"I have a girlfriend, Jessie." I said as I lay down on the blanket.

"And? You're not cheating on her or anything. Is she really such a control-freak that she feels the need to make you sleep on the floor instead of the bed?"

My blood was starting to boil now and I was trying so damn hard to hold my tongue.

She stared at me in shock for a couple of seconds before letting out an offended laugh.

"Are you serious right now? You're really gonna sleep on the floor?"

"Jessie, just go to sleep." I said. This conversation was just a waste of my time at this point.

She didn't say anything for a moment, then made her way to the bed and lay down with her back facing me, which finally felt like a triumph to me.

After that our relationship had become incredibly tense. She was still mad at me and I kept on solely focusing on the mission, which somehow pissed her off even more.

But when she got assigned to walk straight into the lion's den and I saw how much anxiety that was causing her I decided to offer her some comfort. I knew that walking into this situation worried would only decrease her chances of making it out of there without getting caught.

It was the night before and she'd had too much to drink – the fact that she was drinking at all was unbelievable to me – became braver than usual, and pushed me into the wall to press herself against me. Her breath was on my neck and it made my heart race.

"Stop it."

Feeling her hand running over my chest sent my mind back to the first time Michonne did the same, on the night she helped me with the pain of my scars. I could never betray her. I pushed her back gently and shook my head, reminding her that I had someone waiting for me at home.

"Rick, let's face it. We both want this." She slurred.

"You're far from home. You're a man with needs, and if we gave into each other your girlfriend would never find out."

That was the last straw. I pushed her off of me.

"That's enough. I don't know what made you believe I was in any way interested in you, but this needs to stop."

Jessie quickly turned bitter from rejection, and we fought. I was so angry. I wanted to yell and cuss her out, but she was drunk and probably unstable. I didn't even know if I should really be continuing the mission with someone like her.

* * *

Several days later she contacted me from her position at the manor, and she had bad news. The whisperers were more interested in her than we expected, and didn't just want to use her and lose her like the rest of them. They wanted to keep her. We decided that that would at least give her more time to find out useful information and give us a better chance of ending this. So when I finally made my move, I thought for sure that Jessie had gotten Alpha cornered somewhere that I could easily snipe her enforcers without her knowledge before coming after her. But something went wrong. I was discovered somehow, and what was supposed to be a quiet killing, nice and simple, turned into an all-out shooting spree that Jessie and I barely got out of.

The day after changed the entire mission. I watched her sleeping on the other side of the room and reached into her canvas bag to steal a cigarette - the first I'd had in a long time. That first drag reminded me of the old, destructive life I'd left behind and on the flipside the future I was trying to build with Michonne, and as much as I'd hoped that having a cigarette would calm me the way they used to, I became even more stressed knowing that our fragile future was about to shatter. I had received a video from a blocked number, and was shocked when the grainy footage cleared to reveal Alpha holding up a picture to the camera. A picture of Michonne. I'd always kept it in the inner pocket of my jacket, close to my heart, but I ripped off the jacket during the uproar at Alpha's manor for Jessie to wear because she had no protection from the gun fire. When we got back to the bunker I checked the vest but the photo was gone – Jessie had left it to be found. She was most likely a traitor and for now, I decided it would be best to pretend I didn't know. They knew what Michonne looked like. They knew where she was.

"An eye for an eye." Alpha said.

* * *

Two weeks later I had formulated a plan and was packing what I needed when Jessie put a hand on my shoulder. The feel of her skin on mine made me nauseous. I no longer felt even the smallest modicum of respect for her and the incredibly dangerous job she was here to do. She was pissed at me for rejecting her so her first action in retaliation was to divulge personal information about me to the enemy, endangering the mission along with the base camp in Baghdad and everyone in it, while simultaneously risking the safety of an innocent civilian who also happened to be a multimillion dollar government investment and an extremely important figure to medical science, not to mention the love of my life. If she was really a traitor, it would mean that the phone we eventually got was probably wiretapped, which was why I still hadn't been able to contact Michonne.

There were lots of reasons for me to be angry. All kinds of reasons for me to even put a bullet in her head, but I couldn't. I reminded myself that I was rational, I was controlled, and I was here to do a job.

The first part of that job was to send Jessie packing. It was a pretty loud hollering match between us when I told her to get her shit and go back to the States. She didn't deny stabbing me in the back; she barely flinched when I told her how much I wished I could shoot her for what she did, but watching me pull on my jacket and grab my gun as I headed out of the bunker somehow got a reaction out of her.

"What the hell are you doing?!" She asked, and I sensed that she already knew the answer but I indulged her anyway. I turned back and sent her a cold glare.

"I'm fixing your fuck-up. Have your shit packed and ready in 20 minutes because an escort is coming to make sure you get on a plane headed stateside."

She scoffed and rolled her eyes.

"Oh you're just bent outta shape because I told them about your girl. RELAX. Now that they're trying to find her they're not focusing on you, so it'll be a clean shot! I basically just handed Alpha over to you on a silver platter. I think I should stay and provide backup, at least until we've killed her."

"WE?" I balked incredulously. "WE aren't gonna do shit! I'm gonna finish the job and you are gonna go back to Atlanta and I'll deal with you there! Do you not understand what you've done? How many lives you've jeopardized? And for what, because you're feeling rejected? Because the spoiled brat couldn't get her way?!"

She continued to roll her eyes and stand with arms folded like a petulant teenager as my anger began to get the better of me.

"You have no idea the shit storm you've created with all of this. The past couple of days I spent calling around to everyone in my life and told them that Michonne means nothing to me because if Alpha thinks I love her he'll kill her, and I can't go home to fix this mess until he's dead! She's gonna find out, she'll hate me and she'll be freaking the fuck out in Atlanta while I'm stuck here and.. just get the hell out of my sight, I'm done with you." I shook my head in disgust and turned to walk away, only stopping once again at her bitter response.

"Alpha's not gonna find her, she's on the other side of the planet and you're being fucking dramatic. What the fuck is so special about your precious 'Michonne' anyway? She give great head or something? I could probably do better." She laughed.

I whipped around feeling like I could spit venom.

"I wouldn't let you suck my dick if it cured cancer." I growled. "You're an idiot who doesn't follow orders, and you're a pathetic excuse for a soldier. Keep my girlfriend's name out of your mouth, and when you get back to Atlanta, you stay the fuck away from her."

As I walked away again, I refocused myself on what I knew needed to be done to accomplish the mission and keep Michonne and everyone at the base camp safe. The original plan called for a 'slow and steady wins the race' approach over a 3 month time span, but I was going by a new plan. A faster, more chaotic plan that wouldn't sit well with Hershel, but would get the job done. I've been in Iraq for about a month now and I was planning on ending this today.

All I could think about was Michonne though. I wanted to talk to her. I'd never been away from her this long, and hearing her cry on the phone and say she missed me would no doubt be the crack in my composure. I kept telling myself that I was doing the right thing. I needed her to be safe, even if it meant she would hate me.

But it was tearing me apart, knowing how devastated she would be. How worried she must've been because she wasn't hearing from me. How upset she would be when she found out I told everyone we weren't together anymore. I thought about all the doubts that would be eating at her and I felt tears well up in my eyes. I hated myself for doing this to her. I could only imagine what she was going through while already dealing with the pregnancy without me. My dreams had slowly become nightmares because every night I'd see her face and hear her sweet voice telling me she was waiting for me, and it made me afraid to actually hear her in the waking world.

I had been thinking about going into town to try to reach Michonne from a different phone. I desperately wanted to call her. I didn't know if this plan would work or if I would get myself killed in the process. I wanted to explain everything to her so she wouldn't have to deal with any unnecessary stress, but Alpha knew I was here and it would be damn near impossible to make it without getting caught. I had been careful up until now to make sure I wasn't taking any risks so I could get home to Michonne in one piece. But things had changed now. The plan, the mission, I needed to end it all today. And if this was my last day on earth she needed to know the truth.

So I decided to risk it.

I covered my face with a scarf and headed out to a local convenience store in the city. I opened the door to the shop and the little bell started ringing, directing the cashier's attention towards me. He immediately noticed that I wasn't a local and stared at me for a while. I decided to ignore it and simply get what I came for as quickly as possible. I made my way through the aisles and grabbed one of the pre-pay international cell phones, then walked up to the counter and greeted the man with the little Arabic that I was able to speak. He was still eyeing me suspiciously, which was wracking my nerves at this point. He took the packaging, then motioned for me to move the scarf off my face.

I contemplated it for a moment. The whisperers probably had connections all over the city and when they found out I was sent here they most likely made sure that they had people looking for an american soldier with my description. But what were the chances that this guy had any connections to them?

I removed my scarf, and after a brief moment the man nodded and scanned the item. I handed him some money, told him to keep the change and got the hell out of there. I pulled up the scarf as soon as I left the shop and unpacked the phone frantically. I quickly entered Michonnes number and prayed that no one would be tracking her incoming phone calls. All the sound around me, the people talking, the traffic noises, it all fell silent when I heard the phone ringing.

And I wondered if she believed it. If she was sitting in her old apartment on the other side of the world, thinking I didn't love her. Or if she still had faith in me, and waited for me to come back. I kept telling myself that she trusted me enough to not let any of this effect her too much. But with everything that happened right before I left it was hard to convince myself that she wouldn't eventually give up on me after this. I caused her so much heartbreak already. It was slowly killing me, knowing that I probably lost her already. But there had been no other option for me. I'd rather have her walk away from me and live a safe life with our child than let anything happen to either of them.

The ringing stopped. She wasn't picking up.

I let out a breath in frustration. I was sure I was cursed. _Please, god, tell me she's okay._

I was no longer willing to be slow and safe and rule-abiding. I needed Alpha and everyone working for her dead immediately, and if it sent me home with bullet wounds I would endure seeing Michonne cry because it will have meant that I stopped them. It would mean Michonne was safe. She was still safe, I kept telling myself. She had to be. And so, with fire in my gut and my blood boiling, I set out for Alpha's manor alone, to do my job the way I used to when I was younger. When I had nothing to lose and not a care in the goddamn world, because life didn't matter. Once again, I had no concern for my own welfare, only for accomplishing the mission because now it was very personal. I set out with the cold, unfeeling nature I possessed as a teenager and set my sights on my target, and dug up my old motto from the days when I believed killing was all I was good for:

No emotion, No mercy, No survivors.

* * *

 _That's it for chapter 6!_

 _I would love to hear your thoughts, so leave a review x_

 _Thank you for reading, chapter 7 should be up very soon!_


	7. Chapter 7

**Hi guys! I know, it's been 84 years... but I'm back with another chapter! _Finally!_**

 **The past couple of weeks have been incredibly busy, but I've finally got some free time again, so you won't have to wait too long for the next chapters, promise!**

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 **I hope you guys enjoy this one! x**

* * *

 _Told you my secrets, you told me your flaws,_  
 _So when you listened I accepted them too_  
 _Told me you loved me, put my heart on pause_  
 _'Cause as this place I can't keep fighting for you_  
 _So why don't you talk to me,_  
 _Say anything_

* * *

I told Glenn and Maggie to leave, and that I needed to be alone for a while. I was shaking, I needed space to think and I couldn't handle both of them frantically trying to convince me that there had to be something going on that we didn't know about. I had to go through it again, sort out my thoughts on my own, even though I knew they were probably right. It was the first thing that came to my mind when I heard Rick's voice on the phone.

 _"If anyone asks, we never were_ _together."_

I kept hearing those words in my mind over and over again. He sounded worried, almost like it was urgent. Hearing him say these words had sent a wave of fear through my body. I couldn't shake the feeling that something was forcing him to distance himself from me. Something could have gone wrong on his mission. Information about me could have been leaked. Rick could just be trying to protect me. As crazy as it sounds, it was a lot more likely than him breaking up with me like this. Eventually my doubts came flooding back though.

 _"I don't even love_ _her."_

That's what overshadowed everything else. These words had managed to pull the rug out from under my feet. They stabbed me right in the heart and I couldn't remember the last time I felt this hurt in my life. I felt completely disarmed.

But I heard the regret in his voice. I wasn't just imagining it, I wasn't trying to convince myself to make me feel better. I heard it, I felt it. It had hurt him to say these words, I was sure of it. He almost didn't make it through the whole sentence. And it only made me feel worse. He felt so far away. Something had come between us, and I didn't even know what it was.

 _It's the baby._ The little voice in my head was screaming at me to stop being so naive _. Yeah, he might have sounded hurt, but he was probably just sorry. If you think about it,_ _it_ _kind of sounded like he was apologizing. He can't do this anymore. Not if a baby is involved._ _You know he never wanted a child._

But why wouldn't he be straight forward about it then? Every day that we've been together he _showed me_ how much I meant to him, how much he loved me. If he really decided to leave me he _never_ would have done it like that. He never would have said such awful things. It wasn't in his character to be cruel for no reason. I realized that I was caught between two possibilities and had to decide what I was going to believe. And even though Rick's words hurt me, there was no way I was going to just throw everything that we had out the window. I thought about everything that he had done for me since we first met and knew that I had to have faith in him.

Eventually I managed to send Glenn and Maggie home, and I was left alone in my old apartment on the other side of the world, convincing myself that Rick still loved me.

* * *

A couple of days had passed since then. I had kept my distance to literally everyone I knew, which mostly included members of the military. If Rick wanted them to stay away from me, it meant that there might be someone who could find me through them. It meant that whoever was looking for me didn't have enough information on where I actually was. I had only talked to Maggie about it a few days ago. She agreed that it was best for me to stay put for a while, at least until we actually knew what was going on. I haven't been to mine and Rick's apartment since then. Rick's address was known in the military and I feared that it could be too dangerous to go back there. So I stayed in my old apartment. Maggie promised to keep an eye on the security cameras in my building and let me know if she found anything suspicious. It was an all too familiar feeling to be stuck in my old apartment.

But the worst part was knowing that something on Rick's mission must have gone wrong and he might be in danger as well. As the days kept passing by the need to get any updates on him grew until it eventually got unbearable to stay in the dark. I called Maggie once again, and asked her if she had any news on Rick. When she told me she hadn't heard from him since the last phone call and he had missed two opportunities to send updates I knew I couldn't just stay at home anymore.

I stormed into the military base, looking for Hershel to tell me what was going on. I practically sprinted through the hallways until I spotted Sasha, who was rummaging through some bookshelves. I couldn't even remember the last time I had been able to talk to her. I was about to walk over to her when I saw a blonde woman step outside of one of the doors and greet her.

"You're back already?" I heard Sasha ask her.

"Oh yeah, I've been back for a couple of days now." The other woman responded. Sasha spotted me at the end of the hallway and smiled.

"Hey, Michonne!"

As I came closer the blonde woman spun around and I found myself staring at Rick's partner.

"Oh, hey! Rick's not here. He'll probably be back in a couple of days." She said as if reading my mind and flashed a forced smile.

Confusion was written all over my face. A couple of _days_?

"Well… Welcome back. How come the mission's coming to an end so soon? Rick hasn't sent any updates in a while?" I asked. She just shrugged.

"Easier of a job than we thought. And I was usually the one to send updates, Rick probably just forgot." She laughed.

„You know how he is… Always sleeping in late.. If I hadn't kicked him out of our bed every morning we probably wouldn't have gotten anything done.."

I heard a record scratch in my mind. _What the fuck?_ Sasha raised an eyebrow and we looked at each other, dumbfounded.

There was silence, and she was still grinning at me with that cunning grin.

After a couple of seconds, I squinted my eyes at her and plastered on a smile.

"So," I said in awkward attempt to change the subject again. "How was it?"

She stood with arms folded and cocked her head to the side, sending me a sideways look of surprise before smiling.

"Oh, you're really asking me?"

"Well, sure." I said with a casual shrug.

"I'm impressed, didn't figure you for being so straightforward." She said. "Well… It was…" She paused, and her green eyes snapped to mine again.

"It was amazing." She said grinning. "The best I've ever had."

My plastered smile faltered as it dawned on me what she meant. Her one-month stint in a war-torn country was …the best she ever had? She shrugged with raised brows and said,

"Geez, I don't know why Rick didn't just tell me you guys had an open relationship. I mean why be so secretive if you've got the green light, am I right?"

Sasha stopped rummaging behind me. My heart stopped.

"What the _fuck_?" Sasha started yelling at her.

"Oh shit, you were talking about the _mission_!" She laughed. My blood started boiling. I swear I was about to choke that woman.

"Well, we had a fun romp in the sack but I'm not out to steal your man, he's coming home to you. I only got to play with him for a little while." _I'm definitely going to choke her_. I took a step toward her but Sasha stepped between us, holding me back and yelling at Jessie to get out.

.

* * *

Two hours later I was back in our apartment pulling my clothes out of the walk-in closet and flinging them angrily across the room towards my open suitcase. Maggie was wringing her hands nervously and trying to talk me down, but I was hysterical.

"He'll be home soon," Maggie said, grabbing me by the shoulders. "We'll get this all straightened out."

I lurched away from her as though her touch were red hot.

I tried so hard not to cry, I was sure I'd cried all the sadness out of me, but it seemed fury was my newly adopted emotion and I couldn't stop the tears.

"How could he do this? I thought… I thought…"

Maggie took handfuls of my clothing out of the open suitcase on the floor as I dumped each one in, trying to reason with me. "Michonne, we don't know anything-"

"That's right, Maggie, I don't know anything! Rick hasn't spoken a word with me since he left! The last couple of weeks have been hell for me and I just can't do this anymore. How can he treat me like this?"

Maggie paused, looking for a sensible response and coming up short and she shook her head sadly and dropped my clothes back in a messy pile in my suitcase. She looked up at me with watery eyes.

"He didn't cheat on you. I don't know how Rick could do that to you. In a million years I would never believe Rick would do that to anyone, especially you. It's just… not like him." We looked at each other sadly, not knowing what else to say, and Maggie moved to leave the bedroom.

"Do you want me to bring your bag downstairs?" She asked. I swallowed the lump in my throat and swiped the wetness from my face as I nodded.

"Yes. I just need to be alone so I can get my things together. I don't want to be here when he gets home."

Maggie looked like she desperately wanted to implore me to stay, but she was smart and bit her tongue. She crossed the room and hugged me. I had to fight back a flood of tears when I thought of how life would change if I was really leaving Rick, how my relationships with our mutual friends would always be just a little bit worse.

I returned to the closet when Maggie made her way to the elevator. My heart only shattered further when I spied his black suit jacket hanging on his side, directly across from where my favorite white dress hung. The same black on black Italian suit he wore to the McKittrick, the night when I first realized my attraction to him had grown much deeper. My mind was flooded with images of him. As I smoothed my hand over the luxe fabric. I thought of his dazzling smile, his beautiful eyes unlike any I'd ever seen, the way he always made me feel so… loved.

An untold number of minutes ticked by in which time my wails had reduced to round, watery eyes and sniffles of sadness when I heard the elevator ping, announcing Maggie's return.

"Thanks Maggie." I muttered out from the closet as I swiped my nose and sniffed. When I received no response, I called her name again, but dropped the shirt I was holding when I heard footsteps on the bedroom's wooden floors behind me. My heart rate fluttered madly and I was sure I'd pass out when I realized the footfalls were heavier. I turned to look over my shoulder and froze as I found myself gazing into blue eyes.


	8. Chapter 8

**And I'm back with the next one already!**

 **Thanks for leaving reviews for the last one, I'm glad there's still some people reading this fic!**

 **Hope you enjoy x**

* * *

 _If I told you that I loved you_  
 _Tell me, what would you say?_  
 _If I told you that I hated you_  
 _Would you go away?_  
 _Now I need your help with everything that I do_  
 _I don't want to lie, I've been relying on you_

* * *

The desert sun scorched down on me unforgivingly as I slowed to a stop, heaving and gasping while I set down my canvas bag and plopped my ass in the sand. I pulled the bandana down from my face to hang loosely around my neck and hunkered down, waiting for the blast. I had perfect view of Alpha's operation a half mile away alone in the desert, with enough C4 wired throughout to reduce the entire place to toothpicks. The explosives were set to timers, set to go off in a few minutes and after spending hours worming my way through the building's ventilation ducts and planting bombs I'd high-tailed it the fuck outta there and hauled ass for the middle of nowhere.

Heavy combat boots and a bag full of weapons. Add that to the desert camouflage and suddenly you find yourself entertaining the idea of staying behind to roast in the blast rather than running a half mile like the devil was on your heels. I got myself settled and opened my canvas bag to pull out the video receiver so I could be sure that Alpha and all her pals went up in flames. The device was linked via satellite to tiny surveillance cameras that I'd placed in the air conditioning vents of several rooms in Alpha's compound, and plugged into the audio input on my iphone. I clicked the device in place and a moment later was presented with a live feed of what was happening inside. Alpha was where I wanted her, cameras set along the building's exterior showed no one had left, and most importantly, no one had entered the control room ahead of schedule.

After sending Jessie packing, my new plan was to infiltrate Alpha's compound and snipe them out from the vents when they retired for the evening and be on a plane headed home by daybreak, but all that went out the window when I learned about the missiles. I was working my way, crawling slowly on my stomach through the cramped ventilation ducts and taping little cameras where I needed so I could keep track of Alpha's movements, but the map I made was a rough estimation of the inner layout based on my examination of the building's exterior, and it caused me to turn right instead of left. I expected to find myself suspended above the grand dining hall, but was instead looking down into a small room with large control panels holding at least 100 different buttons, knobs and levels. There were blackened monitors and maps and papers tacked to the wall and scattered on different surfaces. I tried to read some of the papers directly below me but everything was written in Arabic. I began work setting a camera into place when the door opened and two men I recognized as Alpha's key enforcers entered and shut the door behind them. They were angry, frustrated and frantic, arguing back and forth and I pulled out my phone to take an audio sample of their conversation. I spoke fluent French, my Spanish was okay and I knew a few phrases in Russian, but Arabic was pretty much lost on me so I had to send the audio via text to Eugene Porter back home. He was a linguistics genius who spoke 8 languages, 6 of them fluently. I recorded 60 seconds of the escalating argument before sending it to Eugene, and had finished setting my camera when the two men set down some papers on the control panel and left the room. A moment later I looked back at my silenced phone to see Eugene's text in response.

"Intercontinental ballistics missiles. Arguing over wether or not to launch early. Send intel asap."

Ballistics missiles were very, very bad news. I scanned the room for anything I could zoom in on with the camera on my phone that might help us, and had a clear shot at the papers Alpha's partners had left on the control panel. I snapped a picture and sent it off to Eugene, and when his text came back a minute later my heart fell to my feet. The papers listed population statistics for every state of the US, and the longitude and latitude of every major city with Atlanta at the top of the list. Alpha was planning to launch missiles aimed at the United States.

My mind raced wildly, trying to comprehend what I'd stumbled upon when another text came in from Eugene.

"Listened to audio again, 'Atlanta first. Atlanta tomorrow. The soldier must suffer. His family must die.'"

My blood froze over and I swallowed hard, realizing that I now was responsible for stopping an attack on the United States, and I was all alone with no backup.

* * *

I pulled my bandana from my neck to wipe the sweat from my brow before stuffing it in the back pocket of my pants while I continued watching the footage from my spot on the sand. The minutes were counting down and there was only 4 left, but the previous 5 had felt like an eternity knowing that if this didn't work then there would be no chance to stop them before the launch. I could only sit and hope the force of the blast would take the missiles with it. Thoughts of Michonne flooded my mind, and it hit me that if this didn't work, I would never see her again. I knew Eugene would have notified Hershel of our conversation, but they would never tell Michonne what was going on unless they didn't hear from me by the next day, which would mean I had failed and the missiles would be headed their way.

I dug around in the numerous pockets of my fatigue pants and pulled out the pre-pay international cell phone. I flipped it open and dialed Michonne's number again as I kept watch on the video surveillance on my phone. It went directly to her voicemail telling me to leave a message. I contemplated not leaving one, but as I watched the timer tick down and spied Alpha on the camera moving from on room to another, I knew I had to say something. Anything.

"Michonne… I'm sorry I haven't called." I began.

"So much went wrong... I hope you're okay... I hope our baby's doing okay." I couldn't help but smile at the thought of our child. I stopped talking for a few seconds, letting my thoughts wander. I wondered if her belly had started to show yet. Soon, another wave of sadness washed over me.

"It kills me to know that I can't be there for you right now… I miss you so much." I ran a hand over my face.

"I just need you to know that I love you. More than anything, I love you." My mind was flooded with the image of her brown eyes that I could stare into forever, the sound of her soft voice like a lullaby to bring me sleep free from nightmares, her sweet and full lips, more addictive than any drug I'd ever known.

With 30 seconds to go I hung up the phone, crossed my fingers and for the first time since I could remember, I prayed.

"God, we don't have much of a relationship, but if you're up there… help me. Please God I need to save them. I need to save her." My hardened gaze was fixed unblinking at my phone, locked on the image of Alpha. The seconds.

"…Please… let this work. Please God." My heart pounded and anxiety warmed within. This was it. Now or never. I kept my gaze on Alpha, standing talking to her right hand man as the final seconds ticked down, 3…2…1.

My head snapped up to the compound in the distance, and I was met with the beautiful sight of the biggest, brightest flash I'd ever witnessed. My hand flew to my ears to protect them from the deafening blast and I sat in shock as the building exploded into a glorious ball of raging fire. Plumes of black smoke erupted from the site and shielded my eyes from the spray of the sand when the blast's aftershock sent a gust of wind my way powerful enough to nearly knock me on my back. I sat in the sand utterly dumbfounded; I'd never blown up anything that big before, and I did it single handedly without being discovered and without any backup.

"…I did it…" I muttered disbelievingly. "Holy shit, I did it!" I suddenly snapped to and fumbled around in the sand frantically for my phone with the video receiver. Each camera read as static, which meant that if the blast took out the reenforced steel encasing them, it would have pulverized everything and everyone in the building. I jumped to my feet in sheer ecstatic joy.

"I fucking did it!" I ripped off my sunglasses and rubbed my eyes to be sure I wasn't dreaming or seeing a mirage. An explosion that massive absolutely meant that the missiles were destroyed. I had done it. Adrenaline surged in me and I couldn't contain myself. I paced back and forth in the sand raking my hands through my hair as I let the collected exterior of a soldier melt away and I beamed like an idiot.

"I can't believe it worked. I blew it up. I blew it up!" I exclaimed joyously to no one. My glee got the better of me and I began cackling hysterically as I watched the debris falling around the burning building, when a second explosion rocked the structure. I had set half of the bombs to go 3 minutes after, just in case the first wiring was faulty. The bombs were all wired to explode at the same time, and I had feared a christmas light effect where if one goes out, they'd all go out. When I watched the second explosion send a black mushroom cloud of smoke into the air I was overcome with awe, wonder, and goddamn unabashed pride as I took in the sheer beauty of the devastating art I'd created, and slowly turned around to address the empty desert around me as I boasted with a shit-eating grin,

"Did ANYBODY see that?"

* * *

Ten minutes later I was packed and waiting for my pickup from the base camp in Baghdad when I realized I hadn't called Hershel yet. I pulled out my phone and decided to try Michonne again first, because I was so fucking relieved and wanted her to be the first to know that I was on my way home. Once again, she didn't answer. I frowned when prompted to leave a message, and hung up to call Hershel.

"Rick." He answered.

"It's done, Hershel. I'm coming home."

"The missiles?"

"Destroyed."

"You're ahead of schedule. And Jessie is back. We questioned her but she isn't talking. What happened?" He asked.

"I'll explain everything soon. But keep Jessie under supervision. She nearly tanked the entire mission and endangered a lot of people in the process. I'll deal with her when I get back. Just keep her away from Michonne." I gritted my teeth. "She hasn't been answering her phone, is she alright?"

The line went quiet for a moment and I felt my heart falter.

"So it was a lie."

"Did you believe it?"

"I didn't." He said. "Michonne didn't either. Even though she was with Glenn and Maggie when you told them about your ‚breakup'." My jaw hit the ground and I recalled the awful things I was forced to say back then.

"She _heard that_?"

"You need to fix this."

I nodded to myself as I looked out over the sand toward the mountains in the distance and saw the helicopter headed towards me.

"I'm on my way. My rides nearly here, so I gotta get going."

The rope latter was thrown down to me from the helicopter and I looked up to the soldier on board giving me the thumbs up to ascend.

.

.

* * *

I knew I looked like hell, not having showered in two days. I couldn't even remember the last time I shaved. But I felt even worse than I looked. I was tired beyond belief, and all I cared about was getting home as quickly as possible. The last thing I expected to see when I got out of the car in front of my apartment was Maggie, loading up her car with a suitcase.

"What are you doing?" I startled her. She turned around and was shocked to see me at first. But her expression changed really quickly, and I didn't know if I could read it.

"Maggie-"

"Jessie told Michonne you slept with her."

Now I was the one in shock. My blood ran cold.

"She did what?"

"Tell me it's not true, Rick." She took a step towards me and I thought she was about to hit me.

"You would never Rick, right? You would never do that to Michonne!"

"Of course not!" My words died in my throat as new anger pulsed through me. "Where is she?"

"She's upstairs." Maggie said, sadness washing over her.

"What is it?" I asked, desperately trying to control my temper. She looked back at me with wet eyes.

"She's beside herself. She's been composed for so long, but this just hit her harder than I thought. I don't know if she believes her. She's been having faith in you this whole time, even kept her distance to us all because she was sure you had a plan and were trying to protect her, but now…"

I couldn't even let Maggie finish and took off running.

* * *

The apartment didn't have the homey warmth I'd grown accustomed to. Before Michonne came it was just an apartment, and having her there made it feel like a home for the first time. But as I walked out of the elevator and into the great room, I felt empty. Like I was coming home to the nothingness that was my life before her. Sunlight poured in from the skylights above and the only light from inside the apartment shone from our bedroom down the hall. I carefully made my way, listening for signs of life, knowing that Michonne would be here. I felt the same shock to my heart I'd experienced the first time I'd ever laid eyes on her, when I heard her voice carry from the bedroom calling Maggie. But she didn't sound like herself. She was sad. More than sad. My heart pounded and dread slowly filled me; she would hate me for all of this.

I slowly entered our room and found her standing by the closet. Fear drove through my heart like an icepick when I saw her clothes strewn everywhere and the suitcase she was packing. She stilled, no doubt having heard my footsteps, and turned to me. Those stunning brown orbs of hers where shining with wetness as her gaze settled on me and her face retained a look of utter misery. She just… stared at me. My heart was unfathomably heavy in my chest, and my breathing labored as I took in the agony of the scene before me. The tears poured down her beautiful skin in fresh streams, and I felt the mist forming behind my own eyes as my throat tightened violently. The love of my life was leaving me.

* * *

 **That's it for this chapter! Let me know what you thought and what you expect to happen next! I looove reading your messages!**

 **If there's a lot of people online today I might even try and post the next chapter tonight.**

 **Thank you so much for reading! x**


	9. Chapter 9

**OMG! I'm sooo happy so many of you guys left reviews for the last chapter!**

 **I tried my best to post this chapter as fast as I could. I'm sorry for dragging this out so long lol! But the wait is over, I hope you guys enjoy x**

* * *

 _Found you when your heart was broke_  
 _I filled your cup until it overflowed_  
 _Took it so far to keep you close_  
 _I was afraid to leave you on your own_

 _I said I'd catch you if you fall_  
 _And then I got you off your knees_  
 _Put you right back on your feet_  
 _Just so you could take advantage of me_

 _Does it ever get lonely,_

 _Thinking you could live without me?_

 _..._

* * *

"You're back…" I choked out after staring at him for a few beats. He was home early, and sported unwashed hair and a dirt-smudged face with evidence of jet-lag in his wide and exhausted eyes. His beard was longer and his skin was slightly tanned from his month under Arabian sun. He didn't seem to care about putting himself together right now though, and I wanted to kick myself for still finding him so beautiful. He said nothing as he gazed at me, and that's when I truly saw him, truly saw the rawness of his expression and the way he was softly panting as if he'd run up here. His beautiful eyes were watery and fearful, and he finally breathed out.

"…You're leaving me?"

After a month of waiting by the phone, checking it constantly and praying for a call, a text, _something_ _,_ I no longer wanted to talk. I'd had enough. My inner turmoil quickly festered into boiling anger and I realized my tears were no longer the product of sadness, but of raging anger. Pure fury directed at Jessie, at him, and most of all myself for not getting out of the apartment faster. The second Jessie told me I should've just grabbed my keys and left. I swiped my nose on my sleeve and sniffed, breaking my gaze and began to march away from the closet. I could feel his sharp eyes analyzing my every move and his rigid tension seemed to radiate across the room. He was dying for me to say something. I wouldn't give him the satisfaction.

I moved past him with not even a second glance and stormed out into the living room in search of my boots. He followed.

"Michonne, please. I can explain-"

"You wanna _talk_?" I whipped around ferociously. "I waited for you! For weeks I waited by the phone _begging_ you to call, and _now_ you wanna talk?" I was surprising myself with the words that were flowing out of mouth. I wanted him to explain everything. I wanted him to just tell me that everything that had happened wasn't his fault, that he was forced to say he didn't love me and I could just forget everything. But I knew that was impossible. I couldn't just give in after everything that I had to go through. I could only go with my gut, and my gut was telling me I didn't deserve this. His hardened gaze didn't break.

"I'm sorry for not calling. I'm sorry for everything. Please just… calm down and listen to me." He said as I plopped down on the hardwood floor in front of the elevators and pulled on my boots.

"I heard plenty when you told Glenn to stay away from me because I meant nothing to you." I said bitterly as I stood and strode back to the bedroom in search of my jacket.

"That was a lie. None of that was true, Michonne." He moved to block the bedroom door, effectively cutting me off.

"Please move." I muttered.

"No. We need to talk about this. You need to know the truth."

"The truth is, Rick, you left me when I told you I was pregnant. You just turned around and left me standing there! And then you left me waiting and worrying about you, hoping you'd call me, only to learn that you'd been in contact with everyone except me! I'm sick of these lies. I'm sick of being treated like this. If this isn't what you want then you should've just told me." I put my hand over my stomach and my voice cracked miserably as I gave way to grief.

He looked taken aback at my inquiry, and began to move towards me.

"Michonne, stop, that's not it at all-"

"Rick, I just can't do this right now. I'm tired." I breathed out in exhaustion, desperation. And I knew it broke his heart to see me so hurt.

My mind flashed back to the first time I came to his apartment to confront him about why he'd been avoiding me. It was so ironic. History was repeating itself, it just seemed like we had switched roles. Back then, he was sure that our lives were far too different, and that I deserved better than him. I was the one telling him that I didn't care about any of that. And now...

"I know, you warned me about your life. How dangerous it was. How complicated it could be. But I didn't expect this. I can't keep being played with anymore. I can't take it. I'm not right for you."

I gently pushed my way past him, leaving him in a state of shock as he said nothing. I grabbed my keys off the kitchen island and made my way to the stairwell door, when his soft voice broke the silence.

"Tell me you don't love me."

I mentally cursed myself for stopping, but I couldn't help it. It was just like the first time. He used my own words against me.

"I can't." I replied quietly after a few seconds, repeating the same words he had said to me.

"You know I love you." I said as I turned around to face him again.

"But the last couple of weeks have been emotional torture for me, Rick. I've had nothing but doubts haunt my mind this whole time. And I've been trying to fight them for so long… but then your partner-"

"She means NOTHING to me." He interrupted. "Nothing happened, Michonne. She lied to you because she's angry at me!"

I knew I was only bringing her up because I was frustrated with him. In a million years I would never actually believe Rick would ever do something like that to me. But I felt so humiliated.

I let out a sigh.

"I can't do this right now, Rick. I've felt so unloved, so unwanted this whole time. And there's nothing that you can say that's gonna change that, or that could erase the pain that I had to endure. It's all just gotten too much for me, don't you see that?"

I pushed past him, telling myself to ignore the way my every muscle clenched when I finally felt his body brush against mine after so many weeks of missing him. I pushed the stairwell door open and made my way to the parking garage. I didn't stop. And he didn't come after me.

* * *

I sat on the front steps of my apartment a day later, sucking black tar into my lungs as I was joined by Glenn.

"Smoking again, huh?" He said as he settled down on the steps next to me.

"Daryl must be happy to have his old partner in crime back. We had a nickname for you guys whenever you were dispatched on missions together; the Terror Twins." I had to grin. It flashed me back to all the high-jinks Daryl and I caused during our years of deployment together. Those were some of my best and worst years. I was young and looked up to Daryl who was only a handful of years older than me, and he would turn a blind eye to my miscreant behavior because he was usually too busy with some girl's legs wrapped around him to tell me not to pop those pills or rub that cocaine into my gums. We were killing bad guys and getting high, saving the world and fucking every pretty thing that caught our eye. It was a miracle he never wound up with some venereal disease, and I never thought I'd live to see my thirties.

"This is temporary. It's been a rough week." I said, taking a final drag before crushing the butt on the concrete step.

"I bet. Did you talk to Michonne?" He asked. I nodded as I looked out onto the busy city street. After she stormed out I went to the bedroom to clean up the mess and found her phone buried under piles of clothing in the closet. She hadn't seen that I'd tried to call.

"She'll come around, give it time." He said, „We're finally making headway with Jessie's case. Her superior's have requested she be extradited back to her station in California. I've been working with Internal Affairs to get a better peek at her background. Judging on what we've dug up, I'd say I see a quick and easy court marshaling on the horizon."

"I wanna do worse than just court marshal her." I added bitterly. Glenn blanched and shrank back from me.

"Geez Rick, I know you're mad but you can't just threaten to kill people left and right. You might wanna keep comments like that to yourself, otherwise Hershel's gonna have you see that psychiatrist again..." I whipped around to glare at him.

"You have no idea what this is like, Glenn. What if it was Maggie?"

He regarded me with wide eyes and swallowed before breathing out slowly. I felt like a jack-ass in that moment. Sometimes I got too comfortable with people, and I forgot what they all knew about me. Sometimes I forgot how easily I could scare them away.

"Glenn, I'm sorry-"

"-You're right." He interrupted with a rare seriousness etched over his features.

"I would be just like you if it were Maggie. You have every right to wanna breathe fire and swat planes from the sky. That's why you shouldn't even be sitting here stewing about it. Shouldn't you be going after her?"

"She left me." I reasoned angrily. "I can't call her because she left her phone here and I'm not sure where she is. I gave Maggie her phone a few hours ago, hopefully she'll know where she went and get it to her… She's probably at her old apartment. But it doesn't matter, she doesn't want to see me." I raked a hand through my hair as I mentally debated my next move.

"So you're just gonna let her go? You told me you wanted to marry her."

I let out a sigh.

"You really think she would even say yes after everything that happened? She went through so much shit because of me. I don't to hurt her any more. Maybe she's right, she's just not right for me. She shouldn't have to put up with this shit."

"Rick, if anyone is right for you it's her. Your life has always been a mess, but she knew that and still chose to be with you. She knows everything about your past, your job, and is strong enough to handle it. You got her to love you once before. Maybe you should just do whatever you did the first time."

He put his hand on my shoulder for a moment before he stood to leave.

I thought of the baby that was growing inside of her. There was no way I could just stay away from her, knowing she was carrying my child. Even if it scared the hell out of me, I could never abandon her with something like that. I felt responsible. But more importantly, I already loved our unborn child more than life itself. I just couldn't let her go.

Glenns words bounced back and forth of the inner walls of my mind. What had I done the first time? How did she ever grow to love me to begin with? I was a totally fucked up mess when I was her bodyguard, and I worked my ass off to hide as much of that side of me as I could, but somehow she loved me anyway. I wasn't even trying. I knew how to charm a woman into my bed, but I never exercised any of that on Michonne because I was already madly in love with her and didn't know what to do with myself. At first I didn't know it was love, all I knew was that I felt something indescribable for her. People always say 'When you find that one person, you'll just know. You can't describe it. There's no word for it.' That feeling was what I had for Michonne, from the moment I first saw her in Hershel's office. From the moment I first shook her hand in greeting I had that horrible, overwhelming feeling in my gut that scared the shit out of me. Looking back, that was my subconscious trying to tell me that I had found her. I had found the person who would love me in spite of who I was, the things I had done, the life I was living. I never tried to make Michonne love me, because I was so sure I would never be loveable. I didn't have a secret motive behind pulling her into the shower, I just wanted her to feel safe and stop crying. I wasn't planning on kissing her, it just happened. But when it did, everything changed.

And I knew what needed to be done.

.

* * *

My apartment was cold and dark. There was no power and no heat. I didn't care though. I ordered takeout from the chinese place down the street I'd always loved when I lived alone, and I sat on the stripped mattress on the floor of my old bedroom with my carton of noodles and my stack of books for company. The apartment felt so huge with nothing in it, the hooks and wires dangling from the barren walls became physical embodiment of how I felt on the inside. Exposed, vulnerable, left to dangle out over vast nothingness. I was suddenly exhausted and forced myself to throw a top sheet on the mattress for me to curl up on before dragging myself to bed.

Maggie had come over earlier, and handed me my phone that I had forgotten to take with me in the turmoil of getting out of Rick's apartment as fast as possible. I unlocked it for the first time in days and my heart sank when I saw two missed calls from a number listing as all zeros – which I knew was Rick calling from overseas – and a voicemail. I swallowed nervously as I pressed the speaker button and opened the voicemail. Once again, Rick's voice filled my empty apartment.

 _"Michonne… I'm sorry I haven't called."_ He began.

 _"So much went wrong... I hope you're okay… I hope our baby's doing okay."_ I felt tears spring to my eyes when I heard how hopeful he sounded while talking about the baby. _Our baby_ _._ My hand moved over my belly once again.

 _"It kills me to know that I can't be there for you right now... I miss you so much."_ The tears were starting to run down my face now, and I tried my best to quickly wipe them away.

 _"I just need you to know that I love you. More than anything, I love you."_ I looked at the date; he had left it while he was still in Iraq.

As lonely as I'd felt over the past month without Rick sleeping next to me, it was nothing compared to the void I felt as I pulled the blanket over me wishing for his warm chest against my back and his strong arms to curl around my waist. I cried myself to sleep.

I awoke in the middle of the night to knocking at the door. I let out an aggravated sigh wondering who the hell it could possibly be as I rolled myself off the mattress and climbed to my unsteady feet. I hadn't dressed warmly enough in my leggings and thin sweater, and hugged my arms around myself as I shuffled to the front door still rubbing sleep from my eyes. I hadn't managed to reach for the knob when it started turning back and forth and I listened to the all-too-familiar clicking sound of my lock being picked. Memories rushed back, and I stumbled backward trying to figure out if I was wake or dreaming when the door opened and Rick Grimes marched in and slammed it shut behind him. His blue eyes blazed with the same alert glare he held when we first met, and it cut through the darkness to zero in on me. The moonlight shining through the window glinted off metal as he dropped his pocket knife to the floor and slid his jacket of his shoulders to fall with it.

"What are you doing here?" I asked. My eyes poured over him and I had to suppress the urge to jump him. He wore black fitted pants and one of his dark button up shirts. He looked like every woman's fantasy. His eyes roamed me.

"I'm here to make you feel something else." His gaze never broke from mine, and I stood immobilized as he strode forward, the sound of heavy boots on the wooden floors filling the room. Before I could gather my wits about me his arm lashed out and pulled me forward, and his mouth was on mine.

* * *

 **That's it for chapter 9! There's still a lot to come in this story. Let me know what you thought!**

 **Thank u for reading x**


	10. Chapter 10

**Hey guys! I know it's been a while, and I'm really sorry.**

 **I've had a rough couple of days.. or weeks.. and it's been hard to get myself to do anything.**

 **But I saw that I got a couple of new reviews yesterday (BLESS those people who leave a review for every single chapter) and I thought I should try and finish this chapter for you.**

 **Writing this actually made me feel a bit better and distracted me for a while, so thank you for your messages!**

 **I hope you enjoy this one!**

 **x**

* * *

 _Told you my secrets, you told me your flaws_

 _So when you listened I accepted them too_  
 _Told me you loved me, put my heart on pause_  
 _So why don't you talk to me, talk to me?_  
 _Say anything_  
 _'Cause I know once you talk to me, talk to me_  
 _We'll be okay_

* * *

I felt myself sag against him immediately, reveling in the feeling of his lips on mine for the first time in weeks as my eyelids became heavy. Strong arms curled around me to pull me flush against him and when I let out a soft moan my mind snapped to. I broke away and pushed myself back to look at him.

"Wait a minute." I panted, suddenly feeling as shy as I did when we first met and I was almost unable to meet his gaze. My hands rested on his shoulders as I breathed deep, trying to calm myself. "It's been a rough few days, and I'm still so confused about everything. I want to talk, just not right now. It's late, we should talk about this tomorrow when we're both in our right frame of mind." I said, trying to reason with him. I turned my eyes up to his and was met with a piercing molten gaze that shot straight to my core. He looked gorgeous.

"I never said anything about talking."

In the span of half a second he hoisted me up from the ground to wrap my legs around his waist, taking advantage of my shocked gasp to crash his mouth over mine and pour his velvety tongue into me. I raked my fingers through his hair as we devoured each other. Strong hands squeezed my thighs as he moved us toward the empty bedroom, and my body sang as he turned his attention from my mouth to my neck and we descended to the mattress on the floor.

He ground his hips into mine, letting me feel his growing intention and it earned a throaty moan from me before he sat up on his knees to pull his shirt over his head. I savored the way the pale moonlight washed over his scarred skin, and I felt my mouth water at the sight of his sculpted frame. His hair was so messy and some strands tumbled over his face; shaggy and boyishly charming while he smirked at me as if he knew something I didn't. Those blue eyes, sharp as daggers, suddenly melted into molten softness casting over me. God, I loved him so much. I regretted the way I left him the day before. He didn't deserve that, and I knew it. He must've noticed me lost in thought because he crawled over me again and hovered above me with his weight on one arm to softly run his fingers through my hair, and I died of happiness under the warmth of his touch. He leaned close.

"How can you think you're not right for me? You saved my life." He rested his forehead against mine. "No one else could ever be better for me, and even if they were I wouldn't want them. I love you. I love our baby. You're all I want."

He kissed me again and my heart soared as we made quick work of the rest of our clothes and savored the delicious taste of each other's skin. His hands were marvel in more ways than one; every touch and every stroke made my body scream with want while simultaneously sighing in delight at the warmth of his palm and the roughness of his fingers. Sweet euphoria seemed to sweat from my every pore as he readied himself at my entrance.

He wasted no time and slid himself home, eliciting breathy sighs from each of us as he pressed a hand under my knee to gain a deeper angle and kept moving. I clung to him desperately as my long legs wrapped around him and I kissed him, feeling his drive even deeper as his hand tangled into my hair again.

The heat from his body would eventually warm me up. I was turned on by how strong he was despite his circumstances. How he'd risen above what Negan's scientists had built him for to find a purpose, and had created a life for himself that protected humanity from so much evil. Despite the awful destruction his body was built for, he'd mastered to use it to a point where he would never hurt me weather we were fucking each other hard enough to break furniture or he was loving me so carefully as though I were made of glass.

Tonight was somewhere between the two, where the high points would come with bursts of speed and hot, sweaty skin slipping each other with hair pulling and name calling and neck biting before cascading into soft valleys of sweet whispers and treasured gazes; warm caresses with hushed 'I love you's' and passionate, toe-curling kisses. When he finally sent me sky-rocketing into the heavens the force was strong enough to reduce all feeling in my limbs to pins and needles and wetness sprang to my eyes as I lay heaving underneath him, waiting for my mind to clear and my muscles to unclench. I opened my tired, half-lidded eyes to find glowing blue pouring over me before he squeezed his eyes shut and took his final thrusts.

"Fuck… Oh, fuck, Michonne…"

He groaned as he finished and we collapsed in a heap of tangled limbs and twisted bed sheets.

* * *

My eyes fluttered open to sunlight pouring in the windows, illuminating a sight I rarely got to see: Rick sleeping in. Rick usually woke up by 6 am like a clockwork to go for a run before heading to the gym to lift weights with Daryl and Abraham. He was always up before me and rarely let himself sleep past 7 at the latest. I took the opportunity to let my eyes wash over his features and I marveled at the way the sunlight gleamed off his tousled, long strands of hair. He would've looked so serene and ethereal if it weren't for shadows that still curved under his eyes from the lack of rest, and I was sure all the drama wasn't helping. My moment of peaceful admiration came to a halt when his eyes slowly opened. He gazed at me softly before the corner of his sculpted mouth curled up into a devilish smirk.

"Good morning." I whispered to him as I pulled the blankets up around my shoulders to shield myself from the chilled air. He took notice of my movements and slid himself over my body, encasing me in his natural warmth as his head dipped and I felt soft, warm kisses being pressed into my neck and jawline.

"Rick?" I said curiously, wondering what was happening in his mind and wishing we could get breakfast to talk about things. He seemed to read my mind as he slid a warm hand up my side and pressed a soft kiss to my lips, gave a small shake of his head and with eyes closed murmured,

"Still not talking." He moved his attention back to my neck, where he knew I'd be reduced to putty in his hands, and softly nipped at my skin as I exhaled and parted my legs to pull him closer. The familiar feeling of blooming warmth unfurled in my chest as my arms slid around him, and he kissed me deeply, fully invading me with his dominance as he craned my head back and loomed over me for deeper access while my arms slid around him. I felt his hand run down a path from my breasts downwards over my belly, where he suddenly stopped. He broke the kiss and pulled away, and it scared me for a second. He looked down and I couldn't see his expression.

After a few beats he finally let out a soft chuckle.

"You're starting to show."

Relief floated into the forefront of my mind, and I realized Rick wouldn't have come after me if he no longer wanted me or the baby in his life. I had missed him so much, and now, here he was and I had him all to myself again. All thought process was immediately snuffed out when Rick kissed me again and groaned as he dragged his hips hard against me, silently dictating exactly how our day would begin before we had to face all of what had happened in the last month.

* * *

We collapsed together side by side and fought to catch our breath before blinking our eyes open a few moments later to look at each other. My gaze fell to the juncture of his neck and shoulder and my mouth fell open a little as I reached up and ran my fingers over the small purple bruise. He hooked a finger over the sheets I held across me and pulled the edge down a bit to survey my chest, and as my gaze cast down I was met with two equally dark spots on the top of my right breast. As our eyes locked again we broke into grins, which quickly turned into us laughing like teenagers at the sophomoric hickeys we'd left on each other.

It felt so good to laugh with him again, and he pulled me to prop myself over him as he lied back and supported me loosely with a warm hand smoothed over my back. His right arm craned back to support his head as he gave me a warm smile and asked,

"How do you feel?"

I traced little circles on his smooth chest in contemplation before responding,

"Unwound. Good job, Grimes." I said with a grin, throwing back to the time when I still referred to him by his last name. He sent me a meaningful look and held my gaze as his hand moved to take mine, and he pressed my knuckles to his mouth.

"Only the best, Michy." It was so like him to be a smart-ass while simultaneously being sweet and romantic. We lived in the quiet happiness for a moment longer before he tucked a lock of hair behind my ear and quietly said,

"I never slept with her."

I paused, letting his words wash over me recalling the moment I brought the topic up the day before. I made him believe I lost all faith in him. I could see the intensity in his smoldering expression and his concern for not just protecting my physical well-being, but for being the savior of my souring heart, with its mold grown on the inside from the absence of him and the tortuous suspicions that picked away at my soul like vultures on a carcass.

"I know." I said as I ran my hand through his hair lovingly.

"I trust you more than anyone else, Rick. I- I'm sorry for how I reacted yesterday, I know I should have let you explain everything. I was just so… angry… and frustrated. When I heard you say those things to Glenn on the phone.. I knew they weren't true. It hurt me, but I knew something was going on and that it wasn't your fault. Eventually there was all this anger build up inside me because… it seems like there's always something or someone trying to tear us apart. I shouldn't have let that out on you. All I want is to be with you."

Tears sprang to my eyes and he pulled me even closer, planting kisses all over me to console my aching heart.

"I know. I know, baby, me too. Some of it was my fault. I made some mistakes.. But no matter what comes between us, you need to know that I'll fight against it. I love you. No matter what happens, you'll always have me." I felt myself melt right there in his arms.

"Me too. You'll always have me too."

* * *

Eventually I told him to start at the beginning. We'd pulled on some clothes and ordered breakfast while he told me about his mission and how he didn't call because Jessie got a picture of me leaked. He pulled his black jeans back on – sans underwear or shirt – and stuck his gun in his waistband not caring that it was showing when the delivery arrived and he made the delivery guy very nervous upon accepting our food.

I took in the lovely view of lean muscles and low-riding tight pants and stayed in bed with the sheets pooled around my waist, wearing Rick's shirt. He descended back onto the mattress with me and we dug into the bag of food as he told me about what lead Jessie to her betrayal stopping once to kiss me chastely when I felt my face burn red with anger at his mention of Jessie coming on to him. He explained the threat Alpha made against me and why he sent Jessie packing early as well as the many grueling hours he'd spent infiltrating Alpha's compound before learning about and destroying the missiles.

"That's when I called." He said, setting down his mug. "I didn't know if I was going to be successful, and I needed to hear your voice just in case I wasn't." I sat in awe of his story, and needed to blink back prickling moisture. I slid my focus to his pretty eyes and saw the way they'd glazed over suddenly. I'd seen that look on him before, it was a telltale sign of stress forcing the memories of his difficult life and dangerous work to the forefront of his thoughts, and I placed a hand on his cheek as I waited for him to rejoin me in the present. He was sitting next to me on the mattress with his back pressed against the wall and when he blinked back to reality he turned to me.

"I was so terrified that I'd lose you. Now I feel like despite the mission's success, I've still failed you."

I shook my head.

"No, you haven't." I implored, trying to lift him up. But he was beating himself up.

"I should have spoken to you about what could happen before I left. I just.. never expected all of this to happen. I can only imagine what you had to go through since then. You were all on your own.. pregnant.. I should have done it differently. Michonne, I'm so sorry-"

"Stop apologizing." I interrupted and he looked at me surprised.

"You saved us. You risk your life everyday to protect the people you love. There's just things that you can't have any control over, Rick. I know you were hurting just as much as I was."

He paused. I knew it was still hard for him to accept that sometimes he wasn't the one to blame.

"I shouldn't have reacted the way I did when you told me about the baby… All of this wouldn't have been so hard on you if I hadn't left you the way I did."

"Rick, I get why you did it. The second you turned around and kissed me I forgot everything that happened before. It didn't matter. You needed time, and I didn't expect you to come to terms with it immediately. I.. I know you never wanted kids-" He placed his hand over my cheek and I turned my gaze up towards him.

"It's.. not that I never _wanted_ them. I've always thought I _shouldn't have_ them. When you told me, my heart stopped. That feeling that I got, it felt just like the time I first met you. It scared me. I've never had a family, and the thought of becoming a father is so unreal to me. The first thing that came to my mind was that I'm gonna lose it all again. That I shouldn't become too attached because it's not meant for me. I thought it would be easier to just leave than to deal with the possibility of losing it. But I couldn't. I never realized how much I really _wanted_ this until it happened. I don't wanna keep living my life like I don't deserve anything good in the world. You've taught me that I'm worth something and that there's more to life than just surviving. You've shown me that I can have a family, and that I'm allowed to love. I know I freak out a lot and my first instinct is to run away. But you always come running after me, you never let me go. You've become my link back to the humanity I'd lost. I can't survive without you. I promise I'll never make you believe that I could turn my back on all of this ever again."

I smiled up at him and ran my hand through his curls while listening to his every word. He ran his hand up and down my thigh. When he draped it over him I needed to be closer to him and straddled his lap.

"I could never believe that, Rick. You've always shown me how much you care about me. I get why this is so scary for you. But you're the one who came after me last night. I know you'll go to the ends of the earth for the people you love, and that's why I know you'll be a amazing father."

I smoothed my palm over his cheek and softly stroked his beard. He looked at me lovingly before capturing my lips in a deep kiss. His lips slipped over my own in soft strokes, sending my mind far away from coherent thought. He left me breathless when he pulled away and rested forehead on mine. I held his face in my hands, softly stroking my thumbs across his skin. We stayed like that for a few moments, revelling in the peaceful moment we were finally able to share together.

"You know.." He began. "I shouldn't keep saying I've never had a family. Hershel's really been like a father to me, it just took me a few years to realize it. I think I'll be fine if I just try to be like him."

I pulled away a bit to look at him and smiled. It felt so good to be with him again.

"Does he know?" He asked.

"Does he know what?"

"That we'll start calling him grandpa soon." He seemed quite proud with himself when he earned a hearty laugh from me for that comment. I draped both of my arms around his neck and shook my head.

"No.. I haven't told anyone."

He furrowed his brow.

"Why not?"

"I don't know.. Part of me didn't want to tell them without having really talked to you about it. I was sure they'd ask me what you thought about it and I didn't wanna tell them that I didn't know yet. And I knew Maggie and the others would insist on taking care of me, and would want to come to the doctor with me so I wouldn't have to go alone, and convince me to go shopping for baby-stuff together and.. It just didn't feel right. I wanted it to be you."

He seemed to be touched by my answer and tugged a loc of my hair behind my ear as he smiled.

"Well, I'm here now. We can tell everyone together. And I can't wait to do all those things with you."

Once again, I smiled at him as his warm hand kept running up and down my back. It really seemed like we couldn't touch each other enough after being apart for so long. Another comfortable silence fell over us and I buried my face in the crook of his neck and breathed him in.

"I love you." He whispered into my ear after a while.

I smiled sheepishly and he grinned seeing how he still had that effect on me.

The sound of his phone ringing suddenly filled the room, and he sighed.

"I gotta get back to the base, Hershel's already blowing up my phone." He said.

"Do you have another shirt? I'll need that one back." I got off of him and smiled, feeling a bit saucy as I grabbed the hem and pulled the shirt up and off. His eyes glazed over like a happy dog laying on a heated blanket after a steak dinner.

"Do you really have to go right now?" I asked coyly, and he instantly knew I was teasing him. His head lilted to the side as he basked in my nakedness with a wistful look.

"Unfortunately." He said shaking his head as he took his black shirt and pulled it on. Before he got off the mattress he reached out for me and pulled me close to him one more time.

"So you're okay? We're okay? Are you coming home tonight?"

I nodded and he kissed me again. His mouth started travelling and he placed kisses on my cheeks, my jaw, my neck, my collarbone, my breasts, before carefully taking my face in his hands and giving the same attention to my lips once again.

"Wow," I said after he broke away.

"Making up for lost time." He responded warmly. "Come home now."

"I've got some things to take care of. I'll be back tonight around 6 or 7."

He squeezed my hand.

"I'll be waiting."

* * *

I rolled into the parking garage and powered down after parking next to Rick's Aston Martin. Just looking at the car reminded me of the charming smart-ass waiting for me upstairs, and I rubbed my exhausted eyes and yawned as I angled out of my car.

I'd spend the rest of the day with my grandma. I realized I haven't payed her a visit in quite a while, and I figured it was mostly because I knew she would figure out I was pregnant in the first 5 minutes of spending with me. I still haven't told her, and she didn't say anything, but I was sure she knew.

Strangely enough, I have been feeling kind of weird after leaving my apartment this morning. It was odd, and I couldn't quite put my finger on what it was.

I walked into the elevator and my heart began to flutter. I always felt myself light up like a Christmas tree whenever I was about to see Rick. I watched the numbers climb as the elevator bypassed every floor before stopping at seven and the door opened with a resounding ping. The light were low when I walked in, and I set down my keys and messenger bag on the kitchen island as I caught Rick from the corner of my eye sauntering towards me. My face flushed a bit when I turned to find him wearing those grey sweats and a fitted black tee, looking amazing as ever as he grinned at me.

"Hey you." He said devilishly as he pulled me close and kissed me. I felt my insides turning to mush, but then that weird feeling suddenly returned.

"Rick, I'm kind of tired. No messing around tonight." I laughed. His face softened but his gaze held on me, and he rendered me completely speechless as he took my hand, stepped back and sank to one knee.

"I know." he said. "I'm not messing around either."

He dug in his pocket, and pulled out a ring.

* * *

 **That's it for chapter 10!**

 **Thank you for reading & please let me know what you thought x**


	11. Chapter 11

**Hey guys! I'm finally back with another chapter!**

 **Sorry to keep you waiting this long, life just gets a bit busy sometimes. I hope you guys will enjoy this one! x**

* * *

 _I tore down my walls_

 _and opened my doors_

 _and made room for one_

 _so baby I'm yours_

* * *

The warmth of his body eased me into consciousness and kept me feeling safe. What had just happened? I shivered a little and felt myself being placed on the bed, Rick's strong arms supporting and comforting my weak body.

The past month had spread me thinner than I realized, and I had forgotten how Rick's presence could be a roller coaster of emotion. I was sleep-deprived, stressed out, and pregnant. I haven't been feeling very well all day, but tried to push it into the back of my mind. Probably because I didn't even want to entertain the idea that there could be something wrong with the baby. I blamed it on not having slept very well lately, and thought coming home to Rick and getting a good night's sleep would finally make me feel like the old me. I'd expected him to try to slay me with his gorgeous smile and those blue eyes, and make me forget all my worries. In a million years I never expected him to propose to me, at least not now. We never talked about it, he never mentioned the idea of marriage. We just went about our lives day by day because our relationship was so unusual, we didn't plan for the future like normal couples. We never talked about weddings, children, nothing. We were more in-the-moment. But still, the last thing I remembered was him kneeling down and presenting me with a ring. My over-whelming happiness was immediately clobbered when suddenly my breathing stopped, my head swam and my vision blurred. Rick was quick enough to keep me from crashing down onto the hardwood floor as I blacked out.

I opened my eyes and blinked to adjust to the bright lights of our bedroom. Rick was looming over me, his hand stroking my cheek and his blue eyes boring into mine, concern etched over his features.

"Michonne, are you alright? How you feelin'?"

I took a deep breath and nodded.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I tried to sit up but he stopped me.

"You should lay down for a bit. I'll go get your coat." He quickly got up and rushed out the room. My brows furrowed in confusion.

"My coat?"

"I'm taking you to the hospital." I heard him reply from the living room.

"Wh- What?" I sat up straight now.

"Rick, I'm fine. I'm just a little dizzy."

A few seconds later he returned with my coat, purse and boots. I watched his every move, and I could tell he was tense.

He didn't say anything in response. He simply placed my coat and purse on the bed beside me before kneeling down in front of me with my boots in his hands, ready to put them on for me. I didn't comply yet. Instead, I took a few moments to observe him.

His breathing was shaky, he was trying to compose himself and I realized how scary me fainting really was for him. I knew he spent most of his life just waiting for everything he loved to be taken away from him again. It was the reason why he'd never even thought about becoming a father.

He kept his head down, and his gaze locked to the floor, waiting for me to let him put on my shoe without having to discuss the urgency of this with me. I reached out my hand, and caressed his cheek, silently asking him to look at me. He hesitantly indulged, and when his eyes met mine all I could see was guilt.

As if this was his fault. All the stress that I had gone through - he knew it was 'cause of him. And if it had harmed our baby in any way, I knew he would never forgive himself.

"Hey…" I spoke softly, trying to comfort him. That single word alone made his composure crumble, and he let out a heavy breath that he'd been holding in.

"Everything's fine, okay? Fainting is a totally normal thing in pregnancies. I've been on my feet all day and feeling kind of nauseous for a while now, that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with our baby." I tried to reason with him, trying to make him feel better.

He placed his hand over mine, letting those words sink in for a moment. His eyes drifted from my face toward my whole body, like he was lost in his thoughts. Like he was desperately trying to convince himself to just believe me and hold onto hope. Eventually, he began to nod his head softly.

"Yeah." He agreed, nodding his head with more confidence now. His other hand moved up and down my leg.

"I just wanna make sure…" He said softly, while his other hand moved up and down my leg.

Now I was the one nodding at him.

"Okay." I said, before finally letting him put on my boots and help me stand up to put on my coat as well.

...

* * *

We only spend a couple of hours at the hospital. Rick and I had waited in the waiting room for a while, trying to stay calm. None of us had spoken a lot. It was late and I knew he was just as tired as I was. His head was resting against the wall behind us, his eyes closed. He had his left arm draped around my shoulder, while his other hand was protectively resting on my belly. I never knew I would love the feel of his hand on my stomach as much as I do. It felt so good to finally have him here with me. I knew there was still the unresolved proposal hanging in the air between us, but just being with him in comfortable silence made me feel like everything was fine. No matter what happened, we'd be okay. I let out a tired breath, laid my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes until we were called in.

Denise ran some tests with me and, thank god, she was able to assure us that there was no need to be worried. I was 10 weeks along and everything seemed to be alright. We did an ultrasound, and got to hear our baby's heartbeat. Nothing could have prepared me for the look on Rick's face when Denise showed him the first glimpse of our baby. He couldn't tear his eyes away from the screen. He tightened his hold on my hand and started laughing when a few tears fell from his eyes, making my heart swell.

The rapid galloping of our babies heartbeat filled the room, and Denise explained that fainting during early and middle pregnancy is quite common due to the rising hormones. She also noted that my blood sugar levels were low, and I admitted that I hadn't been eating very well lately.

"It helps to eat protein like egg, cheese or meat at each meal to even out blood sugar." She explained as I pulled down my shirt again, and I nodded.

"Got it."

"If it keeps happening frequently you should definitely let me know though."

"I will."

I looked over to Rick and saw the relief on his face.

Everything was settled, I was ready to leave, but there was a weird silence. Denise seemed to be contemplating to say something, but couldn't muster up the courage.

"Is there anything else?"

"Oh um.. It's just..." She began. "I know you guys were really worried, and the past couple of weeks have been hard for you since you were separated for so long, but you guys shouldn't forget whose baby this is. You two are probably the strongest people I know. With that blood condition of yours, Michonne, I think you're gonna have a strong and healthy baby, no matter what. I don't think you have anything to worry about."

She gifted us with a warm smile, and we returned it.

"Thank you, Denise."

* * *

I wasn't sure how late it was by the time we got out the hospital. My tiredness was long forgotten when we made our way back to Rick's car. Instead, I was feeling more excited than ever. I felt Rick begin to swing our interlocked hands back and forth, and when I looked over to him I saw him grinning like an idiot and I started laughing. He suddenly swooped me up in his arms and swung me around as my giggles filled the empty parking lot. When he placed me down his strong arms curled around me tighter and I buried my face in the crook of his neck. I listened to the sound of his steady breathing before shifting again to look at him. I reached up and with a barely there touch I traced the little scar that slashed across his nose and under-eye. I secretly loved it, the way it added to his rugged appearance. Such a tough guy, yet so sensitive about scars that in my eyes only added to his beauty for the life story they told. I loved that he let me trace them with my fingertips. He used to hate it, but when he realized it had somehow become almost therapeutic for me to focus my attention with such detail and carefully run my fingers over the marred flesh, it in turn became like therapy for him and he'd become far less concerned about his scars. You could almost say he liked them now, or at least they'd finally served a greater purpose than the painful lessons they taught.

I felt his hand press the small of my back, pressing me closer as my fingers laced through his long hair. I felt a peace and comfort I hadn't felt in such a long time, and as a tear fell slowly I realized that I still hadn't told him I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. I wanted to say yes. I wanted to marry Rick.

I bit my lip nervously. I didn't know what to say, how to start, I didn't even have a complete memory of how much of his proposal he got out before I lost consciousness. The soft thumping of his heart was possibly what I missed the most while he was gone, or the deep rumble from his chest as he spoke low and soft to me when we'd make love, or the way everything felt better just knowing he was next to me. After I started medical testing for the military, he was the first person to truly help me feel that I wasn't alone. Having him in my home made me feel more at ease than I ever had, and moving in to his apartment made me happy and comfortable even when he wasn't around. No one could ever make me feel the way that he could. He made me brave, I made him good, and together we made each other better people.

"Ask me again." I whispered. He stilled for a moment before answering.

"I didn't get to ask you the first time. Your eyes rolled to the back of your head before I could get a word out."

This earned genuine grins from both of us and he laced his fingers with mine.

"I'm not gonna ask you again tonight. I've had enough excitement."

I found myself pouting, and moved a small strand of hair that had fallen into his eyes.

"You didn't buy that ring today, did you? I don't want you marrying me just because of this week." His eyes seemed to flicker with mirth when he said,

"I bought that ring when we were in Paris. I wanted to ask you when we got home, but then I got my orders and it just didn't feel like the right time."

My mouth fell open. He had been planning on marrying me, and then everything came crashing down. Everything could have been so perfect if he hadn't gotten those orders. I couldn't help but feel sorry for him. He's always been trying his best.

He seemed to be able to read my mind and sighed.

"None of that matters now. Everything's good." He kissed me chastely before adding, "Everything's perfect."

"Ask me again. Please."

His blue eyes danced back and forth across mine and his breath caught for a moment before he relaxed and gave a small shake of his head.

"No. Not now. That wasn't how I wanted to ask you anyway."

"So when are you gonna ask me then?" I said.

"Oh, you'll see." He grinned.

* * *

For the next couple of days, our lives had seemed to go back to normal. Or at least as normal as it could get considering that we had a baby on the way. Rick was still in overprotective papa-bear mode, watching my every move, making sure I drank and ate enough and trying to keep me locked to our bed. As overdramatic as he was, I couldn't deny that it was sweet.

But work had already started to become really stressful for him again. Even though the enemy had been eliminated and the mission had been completed, the way that things were executed had opened up a whole new case. Since coming back from his tour Rick hadn't even had the time to reunite with any of our friends. He found himself stuck in a whole lot of paperwork and dozens of meetings and inquiries that all resolved around Jessie. It had taken a few days of him coming home from work exhausted and irritated to finally get her court-marshalled for the damage she had done to the mission and the lives she had put at risk in the process.

"It was worth it." He said in the end.

"I would have done far worse to her if I had the chance. She deserves a lot worse for what she's done to us. To you."

"That's in the past now." I tried to soothe his anger.

He let out an exhausted sigh.

"Yeah, I know.. I guess I should just let it go now."

I didn't want to see him upset about this any longer. I was fine, we were fine, and there was no point in dwelling on it anymore. Since getting back from the hospital I was determined to hold onto positive thoughts, I had gone through enough stress during this pregnancy.

I smiled at him.

"Besides, I think Sasha or Maggie probably already had the chance to jump her this past week." I tried to joke, and I saw the corner of his mouth twitch a little until it turned into a grin. Just imagining it made him burst into laughter, which made me laugh in return.

"Glenn told me she was basically scared for her life every time she set foot into military base after what she said to you." He added, which only made me laugh harder.

"Well good. I was starting to regret not having scratched her eyes out back then. Remind me to thank Maggie and Sasha."

Our laughter slowly died down, and we fell into comfortable silence again, until he added,

"We should go out for dinner soon. I mean with our friends. We haven't really seen in them in forever."

I smirked.

"You just can't wait to break the news to them, huh?"

He grinned and pulled me closer to place his hand on my stomach.

"I can't keep this a secret any longer. I feel like I'm gonna burst soon." He laughed.

"Alright then." I agreed as excitement filled my chest.

* * *

"'Chonne, babe, let's go." He called from the living room.

"Two seconds I swear!" I slipped on my heels.

"You said that ten minutes ago. We're gonna be late." I straightened my white chiffon dress – the one I wore to the the charity gala – and stumbled out the bedroom, practically skidding to a stop in front of him. He was texting as he stood near the front door, looking sleek in that all black suit I loved, and his eyes slid from his phone to my feet and slowly climbed my body before meeting mine. He grinned wickedly.

"I've been wondering where that dress went."

"Of course you have." I laughed.

* * *

Having dinner with our friends was a much needed escape for Rick and I. I hadn't realized how much I had missed being with everyone until now. Hershel, Maggie, Glenn, Sasha, Daryl, everyone came and I was more than happy to be with all of them again. We truly were a family, and I knew Rick could feel it too. When I began telling everyone what big news we had been keeping from them for a while now I almost couldn't get the words out properly because I couldn't contain my excitement. Rick had reached out his hand for mine, and finished it for me.

"We're having a baby." He proudly announced as cries of joy erupted from our table and I was pulled into hugs and showered with kisses.

The girls couldn't keep their tears at bay, and I was overwhelmed by all this love.

"Oh my god, I'm so happy for you Michonne!" Maggie cried and I laughed, trying to keep my own tears from spilling.

"Congrats, man!" I heard Daryl say to Rick as he gave him a pat on the back and Rick laughed.

It took me a while to notice that Hershel still hadn't moved from his seat at the table. He slowly stood up, and everyone paused for a moment to watch him make his way over to Rick and I. Maggie smiled at me once more before releasing me from her grip and moving aside. As Hershel got closer I could see the tears that were welling up in his eyes. He came to a halt in front of Rick and when he couldn't contain his smile anymore his tears started to fall and he pulled Rick into a tight hug.

"I'm so proud of you, son." Hershel spoke, and I felt hot tears flow down my cheeks now.

Hershel had found Rick when he was a traumatized little child without anyone who loved him and decided to take him under his wings, cause he deserved a chance. He deserved a family, he deserved a normal life, and he deserved to be loved. A it had been a hard road for them, but they made it. It was the most heart-warming scene between a father and his son I had ever witnessed, and it overwhelmed Rick. It took him a few seconds until the wave of emotions that had hit him washed away until he too, wrapped his arms around Hershel tightly and hid his smile in the crook of his neck.

...

* * *

It was much later, and I was talking to Sasha and Daryl when I noticed Rick had left the table a while ago, and decided to go see where he was. I found him on the balcony of the restaurant, seemingly lost in his thoughts.

"Hey." I spoke softly, not wanting to startle him. He turned around and smiled.

"Hey."

I crossed my arms across my chest to shield myself from the cold as I walked to stand next to him.

"You alright?" I asked carefully. He was leaning against the balcony railing and moved his head to look up at me for a few seconds, his blue eyes gazing into mine. He let out a deep breath.

"Yeah, I'm fine." He said before shifting his gaze back onto the view of the city before us. Something was definitely on his mind, so I placed my hand on his shoulder and slowly dragged it toward his neck. He slowly closed his eyes, reveling in the feel of my fingers lacing through his curls. A few minutes of us just standing there in silence passed before he eventually stood up straight again and his warm hand found its way around my waist. He kept his gaze down, and I softly bushed my fingers against his cheek.

He finally looked at me.

"I think I wanna meet my brother."

* * *

 **That was chapter 11! If that scene about that dress sounded familiar to you; we're now caught up with the end of 'You Are The Cure'!**

 **Please don't forget to leave a review, I enjoy reading them so much!**

 **Hope you all have a merry christmas x**


	12. Chapter 12

**Hi guys! I'm finally back with another chapter! I'm sorry it took me so long. Life got in the way, I've been going through some stuff, had a lot of work to do for exams and at some point I felt like I lost motivation for this story. But I've been getting a few messages here and there, of people asking me to continue and finish this story, so I've decided to get my shit together lol! Thank you to everyone who reached out to me and inspired me to start writing again! ily x**

* * *

 _I'm not afraid anymore_

 _What makes you sure you're all I need?_

 _Forget about it_

 _When you walk out the door and leave me torn_

 _You're teaching me to live without it_

* * *

" _Mr. Grimes. Why am I not surprised to find you asleep in class?"_

 _The professor in charge of teaching Advanced Chemistry was a 28 year veteran of the educational system, two years from retirement, and officially fed up with Rick's behavior. He zeroed his dark eyes on the 16 year old, who was trying to blink himself back into consciousness before snapping up to attention when he realized his error._

" _Sorry Professor!" He yelped with a knee-jerk salute, only to throw his hand back down a moment later when he realized the Advanced Chemistry professor at West Point was a civilian and not a military member, therefore didn't call for a salute._

" _Do you honestly find my lecture so boring that you can't stay awake? Or is it that you know so much about Chemical Biology already that you can afford yourself the luxury of not paying attention?"_

" _Neither, Professor." He said, trying to ignore the stares and snickers he was receiving from his fellow cadets._

" _So enlighten us." The Professor added as he closed his text book. "What exactly gives you the right to sleep in my class?"_

" _Nothing does, Sir. I'm sorry." Rick was trying valiantly to do what Hershel had always advised. Stay calm, be respectful, and take responsibility. His Advanced Chem teacher was making it rather difficult. Professor Hoffstrom stroked his dark beard in contemplation before glaring at the teenager and replying,_

" _You know what? I'd actually like a response. Go ahead. Give me whatever excuse you've got this time, Grimes." He challenged. Rick raked his hand through his shaggy brown hair, unsure of what to do. In the past he'd always apologized, accepted his 2 hour punishment tour, and moved on. He never tried to give an excuse because Hershel always said that excuses insinuate the idea that you've done nothing wrong therefore the other person isn't allowed to be angry, which only exacerbated their fury._

" _Well… to be honest, I'm having trouble sleeping, Professor."_

" _You don't seem to have issues with your rem cycle during my class." Hoffstrom bit back._

" _It's jet-lag. My sleep schedule's all over the place. Again, I'm sorry." Rick felt the beginnings of irritation brewing in him, and took a breath to remain calm. He hadn't had an outburst since before his arrival at West Point 8 months prior, and had worked extremely hard with his therapist to control his temper. He had to prove that he could handle the immense responsibility he'd been given. Hoffstrom blinked at him curiously as the other students, all several years older than Rick, began rolling their eyes silently wishing they could just get on with the lecture._

" _Humor me. Where exactly were you that would make you so 'jet-lagged'?" he replied with exaggerated air quotes. Rick grimaced. He knew this was about to get much worse and a large part of him wanted to crawl under a rug._

" _I was on assignment Professor. I was with a squadron from Atlanta, we arrived back two days ago."_

 _The 60 year-old curmudgeon's facade of interest slipped into a furrowed brow and an overall grim demeanor. He'd had it up to his eyeballs with the strange young cadet sent from Atlanta. Always late, always sleeping in class, always giving people the cold shoulder. All of his Professors had observed Rick and noticed that he had very few friends, hardly spoke to a soul really, and when he did his responses were short and to the point. He couldn't be bothered with other people, he preferred to be alone, he wasn't much of a team player. The military held teamwork extremely high, and to see someone unwilling to get with the program was unsavory, especially when that someone was only 16 attending a prestigious college with peers 2-5 years older than him. Who the hell was this punk anyway?_

 _The professor set his book on his desk and made his way to Rick, motioning him to stand._

" _What's the Cadet Honor Code, Grimes?"_

" _A Cadet will not lie, cheat, steal, or tolerate those who do." Rick recited flawlessly._

" _That's correct. So tell my why any of us should tolerate the blatant lie you are telling this very moment?"_

 _Soft murmurs were heard throughout the room and Rick nearly choked on his words in shock as his eyes went wide. Being accused of breaking the Honor Code at West Point was like being accused of witchcraft in the 1600s._

" _It's not a lie, Sir." Rick insisted, his heart hammering wildly in his chest as he fought internally to remain calm. "I serve on an active unit in Atlanta. Call Colonel Greene if you don't believe me."_

" _That's a load of garbage, Cadet! I received a notice that you've been 'extremely sick' for days and that's why you weren't present in class, but you seem right as rain now except for your incessant slumbering. First you lie about being on a mission which couldn't possibly be true because of your age, and now you're spewing deception about knowing Colonel Greene personally?! You've got some nerve, Grimes! Just admit that instead of taking your position at this school seriously like your peers, you've been up all night engaging in the same reckless and inappropriate behaviour that got you sent here in the first place!"_

 _Rick glanced around at the scowling faces of the young men and women in the room who clearly thought he was no better than pond scum. The little ember of irritation in his chest began to grow as the Professor's accusations fanned the flames. He could feel himself starting to unravel, and he was dangerously close to not caring. He kept away from people because he had no choice. He didn't let people into his life because they wouldn't understand. He was dangerous, and he had to keep himself hidden._

" _I take this just as seriously as anyone else. I'm sorry that I keep falling asleep in class, I promise I'm doing what I can to fix it." He insisted through a clenched jaw and gritted teeth._

" _I don't think you are. I think you're a lazy little liar and you can get out of my class."_

" _No." Rick stood his ground firmly, knowing that he'd receive a swift tongue-lashing from Hershel about it later but he wasn't concerned. Nobody called him lazy, or a liar. Nobody. "I'm not leaving. Don't call me a liar if you have no idea who I am or what I do! And don't accuse me of being lazy, because I'm the furthest thing from it!"_

" _Is this you yelling at me Cadet? Do you think this will save you from a hundred punishment hours? Or expulsion? You ungrateful little-"_

 _WHAM! With one swift blow Rick brought his right arm down forcefully on the top of his desk in anger, effectively splintering it with seemingly little effort. The room was suspended in time, a sudden freeze-frame of shocked, gaping faces as Rick stepped to the Professor and grabbed him by his collar._

" _You wanna talk about ingrates? Look at yourself you bitter old fuck. Know why I'm sleeping in class all the time? Because I'm flying all over the goddamn globe protecting your freedom and I. have. Jetlag. You were told I was sick because you're a civilian and you're not supposed to know all the ins and outs of what the military does. I know Colonel Greene because he's my goddamn Commanding Officer, and I don't have time to even think about being lazy because I'm too busy serving this fucking country."_

 _He released Hoffstrom from his grasp and stormed out, leaving the Professor as well as the other cadets completely horror struck at what they'd just witnessed._

* * *

 _Hershel Greene sat at his desk and massaged his temples in a slow, steady fashion. He'd just received a voicemail from the Superintendent at West Point in regards to his youngest officer, and was preparing himself for the extremely stressful phone call he was about to endure. The line only rang once before it was answered by the secretary._

" _This is Colonel Hershel Greene, calling for General Howard." He said. The secretary replied to hold and a moment later the voice of a man come on line._

" _We have a very big problem. I'm about to come down there and strangle you for the drama you've caused." He threatened._

" _You knew the risks."_

" _He destroyed school property and threatened a Professor."_

" _Threatened how?" Hershel asked._

" _He grabbed Professor Hoffstrom him by his necktie."_

 _Hershel gave a little smirk. He never liked Hoffstrom and had a feeling he probably deserved it._

" _That's not really a threat. Rick was just getting his attention."_

" _Your mentally unstable soldier put his hands on a civilian teacher before revealing his controversial role with the military to a class of nearly 50 cadets. It's spreading like wildfire. The entire school's heard about his claims of going on missions at only 16, and people are afraid, Hershel. I've got cadets telling me they don't want to be in class with him, I've got angry parents refusing to send tuition money until Rick's gone because he poses a threat."_

" _He's not a threat to anyone." Hershel said as he rose from his chair and paced the floor of his office. "If anything you should be glad to have him around. He's better security than most of the MPs you've got up there."_

" _He's a human weapon of mass destruction trapped inside the body of a mentally disturbed, hormonal teenager. He just proved that he's not ready to be in a normal setting. He needs to go back to Atlanta."_

 _Hershel ran a hand through his messy brown hair and breathed out. He felt bad for Rick, because he knew just how hard Rick had worked to concur his fury. Nowadays it was actually quite difficult to send him into rage; he knew in his gut that Hoffstrom elicited that sort of reaction from Rick, he must've been asking for it._

" _He's been in normal setting. His reactions are defense mechanisms, and he poses no threat to anyone that doesn't pose a threat to him."_

" _Normally I'd agree with you, but the difference here is that while an average student would at worst throw a few punches, your little fostering experiment is a trained assassin with serious anger issues. He could kill someone if he really loses it."_

" _He's never killed anyone that wasn't a government target. You've got one of the top Chemical Biology courses in the nation," Hershel pressed, "and Rick needs a course in Biology before we can start sending him on missions where he's needed. I can't just throw him into a country to start looking for their WMDs if he doesn't have a basic comprehension of chemical warfare. You know Rick's position in the military, what have you said to this Professor?"_

" _Right now I'm trying to keep him quiet so he doesn't go to the media. This is a nightmare Greene. If this gets out I won't be able to protect Rick."_

 _Hershel cast his dark gaze out over the buzzing activity of Atlanta head Quarter's main floor._

" _Believe me, Rick doesn't need protecting."_

" _You know I don't mean physical protection. If that boy is as troubled as you claim, he's going to need more help."_

" _He's been working with one of the top psychologists in the country. The improvements he's made since we found him are nothing short of astounding."_

" _How so?" The stern Superintendent questioned._

" _He was nothing but pure destruction. You have no idea what this kid's been through. What's actually brought him to us. He needs this life just as much as National Security needs him. My plan is to get him stable enough to employ full time in counter terrorism units."_

 _The Superintendent shook his head with a sigh._

" _You know as well as I that I have borderline zero tolerance for you on a personal level, but I know you're a good soldier. If you say Grimes isn't a threat I'm inclined to believe you, but tomorrow afternoon I have to address this matter to an auditorium full of angry, concerned cadets and faculty members. As the superintendent of this school and a Three Star general I simply can't stand up there and claim that a 16 year old assassin is perfectly safe to have around. He has 48 hours to be gone. I'm sorry Hershel."_

 _Rick sat on the ruffled sofa in Dr. Stratfords office and sulked. He was beyond furious upon being served his notice of expulsion from West Point, and spent the duration of the flight thinking up what he would say to Hershel. He beat him to it however, and met him at the airport with a stoic face, but a supportive clap on the shoulder._

" _I'm really disappointed." Rick told Dr. Stratford once he was back at Atlanta Command. "I was doing really well for a while. I didn't mean to freak out. It just kind of… happened."_

 _The therapist looked up from the legal pad he was scrawling on and adjusted his glasses slightly._

" _Well, it seems like it's always that way. You're fine for awhile, and then suddenly, boom. We need to find ways to stop the boom. How was the mission you went on recently? Let off some steam?"_

 _Rick took a sip of water from his glass on the coffee table and nodded. "Yeah, it was alright. It's weird, the missions are so stressful in the moment, but when I'm finished I feel …accomplished. Almost proud of myself. Like I'm ready to shout from the rooftops and celebrate. What kind of person gets happy after taking a life?" He shook his head in self-disgust as his eyes fell. "Hershel he-.. I'm not what he think's I am… I'm just another monster too. No wonder I don't belong anywhere."_

 _Dr. Stratford blinked at him in surprise and resumed his scrawling._

" _It's been awhile since you've used that word to describe yourself. Have you felt this way the whole time?"_

 _Rick nodded solemnly._

" _I don't think you're a monster. Think about the improvements you've made in the last 4 years." The doctor said._

" _Well, I am one. I mean look at me." Rick replied. "I'm a straight-up lunatic. I can't function in average society because if I tried they'd lock me away. I can't be around normal people because I'm not… I'm not normal." The muscles in his throat tightened horribly under the strain of him forcing himself not to cry. He hated his life. He hated how hard it was for him to control his temper. He hated how Hershel always had to convince people to 'give him a chance'. He hated the way Maggie had to scold others for staring at him or whispering when they believed him out of earshot. He hated the way people walked on eggshells around him constantly because they were all afraid of him. He hated knowing that his life would never be anything but a constant struggle to find his place in the world._

 _A knock at the door paused Rick's melancholy thinking and he looked up to find Hershel cautiously entering the room._

" _Colonel." Stratford said in greeting, "Please come in. I'm glad you could take time out of your busy day to be a part of this session. Is that alright with you, Rick?"_

 _Rick gulped a little nervously, it had been 3 years since Hershel had sat in on his Psychiatry appointments. He nodded and Hershel settled into an adjacent club chair, with fingers steepled in front of his mouth as he waited for them to continue. Dr. Stratford looked back at the morose teenager._

" _Rick, I'm sure the military doesn't make it a habit to waste anyone's time. I'd be willing to bet they don't practice wasting taxpayer's money on frivolous pipe-dreams either, and I can tell you for absolute certain," he said as he once again adjusted his spectacles on his nose, "that I would never waste my time on a patient I believed to be beyond helping. It's counterintuitive to what I do; I'm a healer. I'm here to help those who can still be saved. I would not have so whole-heartedly invested the last 4 years of my life to someone I didn't think I could help. I saw greatness in you the first time we met, when you barely uttered a word to me. You've done incredible things in service to our country since then, and I know that even greater things are to come. You're right about not being normal, Rick. You're too extraordinary to be lost to simple obscurity. One day, you'll see that as a good thing."_

 _Rick rolled his eyes and scoffed as he picked at loose lint on the couch._

" _How could I ever learn to see all this as a good thing?" He asked._

" _Well, I'd be willing to bet that one day you'll find a special someone who will see you the way we all do and will be able to make you see yourself for who you truly are." The doctor implied with a smile. Rick found this idea to be beyond absurd, and suddenly his anger was back. He stood from his spot on the couch._

" _Who I truly am? Are you kidding me with that shit? How can you sit there and act like you all know me so damn well when I don't even know myself? I have no idea who I am! I don't know where I'm from, who my parents are, when I was born, I'm not even sure my name is actually Rick!" He shouted, looking back and forth between the therapist and Hershel, who he wished wasn't in the room. "You people seem to have me so fucking figured out yet you can't give me any answers about how this all happened. I'm sick of everyone telling me to have faith in the system, when the system hasn't figured out who kidnapped and tortured me! You think someone is ever gonna understand this? Nobody would want to spend their life with a mess like me. Don't patronize me, Stratford, I know I'm gonna spend my fucked up life alone so I might as well start now."_

 _As he stormed out of Dr. Stratfords office, Rick couldn't raise his eye level to meet Hershel's because he knew if he did he'd only find the same anger and disgust he emitted being mirrored right back at himself._

* * *

It had been a while since the last time Rick had dwelled in these memories. Back when he spent his life as an outcast. A loner. He would serve his purpose for the military and spend the rest of his time doing whatever the hell he wanted, because he didn't give a damn about the blowback of his own life. His life had been miserable, and any signs of improvement were bleak at best.

But so much has changed since then. Now, here he was. Holding the love of his life, the future mother of his child in his arms, and he suddenly remembered his psychiatrists words, all those years ago.

He expected himself to be in a state of tense anxiety. Soon, some stranger would walk through their door and give him the answers to the questions he had asked himself all his life. At some point, he didn't know if he could ever be ready to hear those answers. What could having a brother even mean if he was a stranger to you? How could anyone ever come to terms with what he's gone through, and decide that he was worth it?

He should feel anxious.

Instead, he was calm. He was content. He smiled to himself as he ran his hand through Michonne's hair, her face buried in the crook of his neck and her legs draped over him as they both sat on their couch in silence. He began to think she had drifted off into a light slumber and was surprised when he felt her place tender kisses on the side of his neck. She pulled away just a bit before looking up at him, her eyes casting him under her spell, like they always did. He looked at her with pure adoration in his eyes and traced the edge of her bottom lip with his thumb.

"I love you." He said. Clear, unhurried and with purpose. His eyes blazed into hers.

"No matter what happens for the rest of my life. Even if I never get any answers, even if they decide they can't have me in their life - I'll be happy because you know that I love you."

She wrapped her arms around him and kissed him deeply.

* * *

Another hour had passed.

Michonne watched as the unwrapped Hershey's Kiss sailed through the air toward her and craned her head back, catching it in her mouth and throwing her arms up in victory as Rick laughed.

"Yes!" He cheered. "And it only took about 10 tries. We better find all the ones we missed, the housekeeper will have our heads if she finds chocolate smeared in our couch cushions." Michonne smiled, knowing her brave soldier feared among terrorist organizations all over the world, was intimidated by a sassy 60-year old irish woman who didn't give two fucks.

She saluted him sarcastically and said, "Yes, sir." He narrowed his lovely eyes at her and sauntered over from his club chair, holding my chin in his hand to look up at him. He grinned.

"Don't mock me woman." He pecked her cheek and disappeared towards the bedroom as she stood and gathered up the remaining Kisses, putting them in the trash. She stretched lazily and noted the time: 9pm. Their guest should be here any minute.

"Rick it's nine already." She called out. "We should-"

Suddenly she caught Maggie's voice carrying from the stairwell and coming closer.

"Keep in mind that he doesn't remember you. He has no clue who you are. Now, before I leave you, let's go over the rules one more time." Maggie said. "What do you not ask about?"

"His job. I can't ask about his job." The voice was young, strong, and rang out clear and confident. It was similar to Rick's.

"What else?"

"His girl. I can't ask how they met - what was her name again?"

"Her name is Michonne. You should keep your distance when it comes to her. He's very protective of her." Maggie ordered. "What's the last rule we talked about, the most important one?"

"Right, don't touch him and don't approach him. I have to let him come to me. Got it." Michonne heard the stairwell door push open again to the soft knocks of shoes stepping on the hardwood floors.

"You know, If I didn't know better, I'd think you were releasing me into a wolf's den or something." The voice laughed nervously. The room grew quiet again and Maggie chuckled.

"You have no idea."

* * *

 **Thank you so much for reading and sticking around! Let me know what you thought of this chapter.**


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